I need a vacation from my brain




I need a vacation from my brain. It keeps insisting on staying awake. My body wants to sleep–my mind wants to write.

Why can’t they just get along?

Where would I go if I could take a vacation from my brain? 6 Flags over Nowhere? Dizzy World? Universally Expensive Studio’s?

Is there such a place as Coma World?

I need a vacation from ridiculous ads. There’s this one news website I like to visit, but for some reason the ads I get are for male-only gaming, meet single Muslim women, and find the perfect Philippine wife. I’m the first to admit that I ain’t quite right, but c’mon! I’m a grandmother! I have as much interest in male-only gaming as those guys have in finding the right maxi-pad, and as much use for a Muslim wife as a dog has for a Kong ball stuffed with jalapeno peppers.

Coma World is sounding better and better.


The cookie of mass destruction



I need a vacation from the Energizer bunny of oatmeal-raisin cookies I just had to have before going to bed that keeps using my stomach as a drum.

I need a vacation from Edgar Allen Poe brain. What would you call it if you woke up dreaming that you were being chased by the dog that wouldn’t die? And it was talking at you?

I need a vacation from the Fat White !!WAKE-UP !! dog and her 3am death breath. Is there such a thing as a Kong ball stuffed with breath mints?