Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Cooking

Other Brother Coon Cat was upset this morning.  He wanted one of the salmon patties I threw together yesterday, not cupcakes.

Anyone who knows me and has eaten my cooking understands one very important truth:  It’s an acquired taste. 

That, and I don’t follow recipes.  

I can follow the exact measurements, follow the directions and STILL end up with a glob of goo where a cake should be…

…or I can do it my way and enjoy success once in a while. 

There are 3 people who think my food tastes great:  My sister, my sister from another mister (also known as my SIL), and me.  My sister doesn’t cook much, so anything I make is appreciated.  My SIL seems to have acquired my taste buds, and since I’ve acquired my taste buds too, it’s all good.

Take, for instance, today’s cupcakes.  I put a fresh pineapple and some pears from the tree in the back yard into a blender to make juice.  Then I took the left over sludge and mixed it with eggs, sugar, coconut oil, vanilla, and self rising flour.  I have no idea how much of whatever I put into it, just that it had the right consistency when it went into the cup cake thingy’s. 

Did I mention I don’t use baking soda, salt and baking powder separately?  

It never ends well.

So I asked myself, “Are there memes out there about cooking disasters?”

Oh, boy are there EVER!

This never happens to me, but if you like fish jerky my door is always open…

How my kitchen looks when I follow a recipe

In my kitchen, you’re likely to find a finished product that looks like this…

…but this is one thing that never has a chance to grow when I cook

There are a few things I know better than to eat (i.e., things that spend their lives swimming around in circles)

If I looked like this, I’d never have to cook again

But I digress.

I look more like this, and depend a great deal upon other people’s pity to get out of cooking…and like Maxine, when other people cook, I rarely complain.  

I do, however, complain if people expect me to eat cantaloupe because it tastes like vomit.  But no one cooks cantaloupe anyway so I don’t have anything to complain about. 

I have plenty of help when I cook, especially when it’s salmon patties

I learned the hard way that you don’t do anything with fish unless the cats are elsewhere.  If I drain the juice into a bowl first, set it next to the cat food, and put a teaspoon full of salmon in it,  I’m not trying to fight cats as I’m stirring.

Most people who taste my cooking have this view of my culinary expertise

Just ask my husband.

In closing, I have this to say about my cooking

How bad is my cooking?  I’ll tell you a little secret if you promise not to tell anyone else….

You don’t want to be in the same room when I fart.