Senseless Saturday Sarcasm : Happy…whatever.


ME:   God, the universe, and everything.  I’m confused.

GUE:  In other words, this is a typical day.

ME:   When I was a kid, we’d go to the Burdine’s rooftop in Miami.  We’d enjoy rides like crack the whip, kiddie coasters, and a ferris wheel.  I’ll never forget going to Burdines with money to buy my own stuff on December 26th while the Chistmas lights shone at me and hymns played.  

GUE: Then why are you confused?

ME:  Now we have Merry Xmas-kwanzakkuh – when I bother to take my Christmas bush out of the box.  It’s not complete without a menorah perched on top of it. 

GUE: You haven’t had a Christmas tree in your house for years.

ME:  Cats killed my Christmas; all those broken ornaments…and the tree was a mess!

GUE  Ergo, the Christmas bush-in-a-box with plastic ornaments glued onto each indestructable plastic strand.  It’s ugly, but it works.

ME: :  We’ve tried in this country to give everyone a piece of Christmas.  Instead of taking what’s offered and running with it, people continue to complain that, “It’s not fair!”  If there is anything unfair it’s this:  Christmas/the winter solstice/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah come and go, then there’s a month of Seasonal Affective Disorder before Valentine’s Day. 

GUE:  You want to know if there’s anything left to believe in. 

ME:    Yes!

GUE:   Imagine a world where everyone in it stands 5’7”, everyone is the same hue, everyone has the same color hair, the same color eyes, the same nose and mouth.  What would that look like?

ME:    Very boring, and heaven help the unfortunates who have a tiny mole.

GUE:   Never fear.  No matter how much you try to homogenize Earth, there will always be someone to laugh at. 

ME:     I want to be that little girl again, when the world at Christmas seemed a magical place.

GUE:  You only need to take your mind back to a time when you stood at the elevator, waiting to go onto the rooftop of Burdines. 

ME:    There’s too much life in the way.

GUE:   It’s your mind that’s in the way.  Stop thinking about all the things you have to do, and start living again.

ME:    Now I understand why a kid sticks his tongue onto a metal pole in winter.

GUE:  That’s called, “being clueless.”  It’s not the same as looking at the world with wonder.

Mom……………….me………… sister………….Dad

ME:  I’ll think about that tomorrow.  I have 4 reports to do today.    

GUE: I can lead you to the water, but you’ll always choose to eat the sand instead.