Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Friday
Friday’s “whether” forecast (as in “whether or not I can get out of bed this morning”): Foggy all day.
Next time I’m calling in sick.
There’s a 30-something shadowing me for my job who has a vibrant, outgoing personality, and a lot of talent for paperwork. She was supposed to be in my office working on reports by 10:00am.
I arrived at work, 10:00am came and went, so I messaged her on my cell phone. Ends up, she was sitting in the ER with an IV drip. Diagnosis? Stomach virus.
How can I be angry at a dehydrated someone who had been throwing up all night…
…and didn’t bother to write a 6 1/2-word email that said: Fever, vomiting, won’t be in today?
In the 1960’s, “24 hours virus” was another word for mild food poisoning.
Mom sent me to school the next day…on my bicycle…to ride a mile to
living hell school.
Who knew that leaving potato salad on a picnic table in 90F weather for 8 hours could make you upchuck? It seems there is a whole lot of C#@p in the mayo to keep it from spoiling. Onions aren’t that lucky.
But I digress.
Why was my first reaction anger?
A mere 22 years ago, I fell down the stairs and tore every tendon, ligament and muscle above the ankle. The orthopedic surgeon said it would have been better if I’d broken it. I had an audit the next day and arrived at the state agency office on crutches with a cast on my leg, my better half carrying a box full of files.
There are only 2 reasons I don’t call someone to tell them I won’t be at an appointment: I’m in a coma or I’m dead.
I use the word “coma” loosely to include brain farts; a condition in which the body still walks, mumbles, and eats, but it can’t talk or think.
One of those walking comas happened to me the week before, on a Tuesday. Three people walked into an office that can barely hold 2 on a good day, and I asked, “Why are you here?”
The reply to my ill advised question? “We had an appointment.”
I looked on my calendar and realized the horrible truth. We were in the 3rd week of October, not the 4th. Instead of turning them away, I said, “This is a great teaching moment for the woman who will be taking my place when I die.”
Probably not the best choice of words. Most people take death much too seriously.
Yes, the woman shadowing me was there. In my defense, I kept the appointment and it was a great teaching moment.
What she learned from it might not be what I intended to teach.