Senseless “make every mistake possible in your job” sarcasm

Today was “make every mistake possible in your job” day. 

I’m so stressed, this is my newest Tourette’s tic:

For some reason, people keep avoiding me at work.

It made me wonder what kind of problems other people have when they’re stressed.

This is “new at my job” stress.  It’s what happens when you get your first paycheck and discover that half of what you earned was taken out for taxes, the retirement plan you didn’t know you signed up for, and insurance.

Me, 52 years ago.

Here we have the “old before my time” stress:

This isn’t me. I’m 72 and I don’t look a day over 90.

This is Defcon 1 stress level just before you’re conned into making a definitive decision:

This was today’s “I’m about to devour my own arm just for the halibut hell of it” stress level

Instead, when I had to talk with a person who lied to her boss (no, she didn’t give me all 3 reports I was expecting), and then I found out I was wrong when I said I had given her the folder, I did this to try to relieve stress:

I think there’s a misspelling here. The F needs to be removed from “shift.”

  • I thought I had given the folder to staff and asked her to return it to the supervisor 2 days ago, but it was yesterday, and
  • instead of giving it to staff I’d stuck the folder into their administrative mailbox that hadn’t been checked in days —
  • with a copy of the email I had sent (email which I found out hadn’t been checked in, quite possibly, forever).

Yes, I have been wondering about my mental stability, considering I couldn’t remember putting a folder into a box yesterday.  But then I took 2 minutes to look up the symptoms of extreme stress:

  1. Acne
  2. Headbangs Headaches
  3. Chronic Pain in the @$$e$
  4. Frequent sickness  (stress can cause suseptibility to infections)
  5. Decreased energy and insomnia
  6. Changes in libido
  7. Digressive Digestive issues
  8. Change in appetite
  9. Depression
  10. Rabid Rapid heartbeat
  11. Swearing Sweating

One site said “Our ability to focus, concentrate and remember has a lot to do with how much emotional stress we are experiencing.”  Then it said to meditate.

What in the D@#$%d hell do they think I’ve been doing?

One day, I will find transcendence.

One day….


Did I turn off the stove?