Senseless Sarcasm and a bad poem : Spam

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I had 4 phone calls today from my worst enemy. 

His name is Spam. 

He hangs up 3 seconds after my message says, “Hello, you have reached the office…”

Once, my own phone number showed up when he called.  Since my name isn’t “unavailable” I didn’t answer.

Was it only a few years ago when I picked up the phone to yell at Spam and found I was talking to a recording?  

Spam is such a coward!

The only thing worse is getting lewd calls from strangers in the middle of the night. 

That happened to me once, before the phones could tell you the caller’s name.  My 3rd husband was away for a convention and the caller sounded just like him. 

After I was awake enough to register a few subtle difference in the voice patterns, I asked a question only #3 would know.  The pervert heard the blast of a receiver being slammed down on a poor defenseless princess phone.

I considered going on Ebaymazon to see if there were tiny airhorns that could render Spam deaf the next time he calls. 

But now, I get text messages from Spam on my cell phone. 

Most are addressed to the person who had my phone number 4 years ago.  

At least I’m not getting any more messages that say, “Brooke, you owe $1000…”  It took longer to convince her former boyfriend that she no longer had the cellphone number, than it did to convince her creditors.

Spam is into everything these days, from pills for perverts to “gifts” for the gullible, and no matter how far you travel to escape his grasp, this is his motto:

Yes, I’ve considered a spear through his heart — but Spam doesn’t have one. 

 There is only one way to stop him.

PUSH THE SPAM BUTTON!!!!

Push it hard, push it fast, 

ignore the pleas to “unsubscribe.”

It only means he’ll find another

way to ruin all our lives!!

One day, someone will find Spam and slather his email, home, and work address all over the internet.  At least one person out there will send a small thermonuclear device onto his rooftop via drone.

Ah, to be a fly on his neighbor’s wall.

 

Category : humor
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