Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : UTI edition
ME: Why? Why God the Universe and Everything. Why give me a UTI at this moment?
GUE: People are dying from pneumonia, dysentery, cancer, stroke, and malaria, and you bother me about a urinary tract infection? Take amoxicillin now, tonight and tomorrow morning and it will go away.
ME: Great advice — if I didn’t have to go to urgent care and sit in the same waiting room with people who have different viruses and bacteria so that I can get a prescription.
GUE: That is unfortunate.
ME: There are still cranberry gel capsules in my fridge, and I have enough Ibuprofen to kill a horse.
GUE: I’ll not venture into the reasons why you may still get certain drugs over the counter and not others. I’ll only say that when I gave you free will, it came with a price.
ME: You’re going to abandon us when we need you the most?
GUE: No. I’m going to sit back and watch you try to solve your own problems until you kill yourselves off.
ME: That’s about as comfortable as a mattress filled with porcupine quills.
GUE: As your mother used to say, “You made your bed, you have to lie in it.”
ME: My, aren’t we cynical today?
GUE: Over 100,000 years ago, I made a bet with the reptilians that humans could handle free will, so they told the humans, “Grow your own apple trees,” and left your planet. Now they’re laughing at me.
GUE: You’re like a bunch of domestic dogs that follow your masters blindly.
ME: And who are our masters?
GUE: Most politicians.
ME: (hesitating to ask): What was your bet?
GUE: If I lose, they can go back to herding you like cattle again.
ME: A UTI does seem a bit petty when compared to this. What can we do about it?
GUE: Assassination is a good start.
ME: Forget I asked you for anything. I have 3 amoxicillin left over from two years ago. That’s enough to get rid of the UTI.
GUE: Want a piece of advice?
ME: From the Gue that says we have free will and it means we’re on our own?
GUE (chuckling): Next time you roll in the hay with your better half, make sure he’s bathed sometime during the week.
ME (blushing): Noted.