Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : UTI edition
ME: Why? Why God the Universe and Everything. Why give me a UTI at this moment?
GUE: People are dying from pneumonia, dysentery, cancer, stroke, and malaria, and you bother me about a urinary tract infection? Take amoxicillin now, tonight and tomorrow morning and it will go away.
ME: Great advice — if I didn’t have to go to urgent care and sit in the same waiting room with people who have different viruses and bacteria so that I can get a prescription.
GUE: That is unfortunate.
ME: There are still cranberry gel capsules in my fridge, and I have enough Ibuprofen to kill a horse.
GUE: I’ll not venture into the reasons why you may still get certain drugs over the counter and not others. I’ll only say that when I gave you free will, it came with a price.
ME: You’re going to abandon us when we need you the most?
GUE: No. I’m going to sit back and watch you try to solve your own problems until you kill yourselves off.
ME: That’s about as comfortable as a mattress filled with porcupine quills.
GUE: As your mother used to say, “You made your bed, you have to lie in it.”
ME: My, aren’t we cynical today?
GUE: Over 100,000 years ago, I made a bet with the reptilians that humans could handle free will, so they told the humans, “Grow your own apple trees,” and left your planet. Now they’re laughing at me.
ME: Why?
GUE: You’re like a bunch of domestic dogs that follow your masters blindly.
ME: And who are our masters?
GUE: Most politicians.
ME: (hesitating to ask): What was your bet?
GUE: If I lose, they can go back to herding you like cattle again.
ME: A UTI does seem a bit petty when compared to this. What can we do about it?
GUE: Assassination is a good start.
ME: Forget I asked you for anything. I have 3 amoxicillin left over from two years ago. That’s enough to get rid of the UTI.
GUE: Want a piece of advice?
ME: From the Gue that says we have free will and it means we’re on our own?
GUE (chuckling): Next time you roll in the hay with your better half, make sure he’s bathed sometime during the week.
ME (blushing): Noted.
Do we consult the same GUE? Seems so!…
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If it seems so, it must be true. 😂
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What misery. Covid has brought phone consultations with our doctors and my GP happily prescribes my antibiotics – though I still have to go and collect them. Recent experience confirms I would rather have an operation than a uti.
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Agreed.
The first time I had one I was in my 20’s and thought I was dying. I went to the ER and the male doctor said, “It’s only a minor urinary tract infection.” Minor? I wished on that day that he would get one and understand that the feeling of having a hot poker inside your urethra is not minor to the one who is suffering through it.
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I had my first last year a week into our first lockdiwn when going to any form of medical operation felt like playing virus roulette . Mind you, that paled against the agony of the uti so off I trotted. It was all rather jolly in the event as no one else was there and we were seen immediately. Bit weird really. And if the GUE is reading this, I’ve ticked that box thank you very much.
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You have, indeed, gained empathy for those of us who have been the brunt of this form of torture. Your box is ticked, and you may flea from this experience. 😊
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Most kind!!
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Pingback: Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : UTI edition
I wanna read the candida version? It must be really annoying? Cheers,H
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If you lose your bet
all bets are off
the trees get chainsawed
time drops
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It should be interesting to find out who wins the bet. Predictable, but interesting.
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