Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Weird weather

Yesterday, my son advised me that the Atlanta area is experiencing tropical storm conditions.

Atlanta?  Really?  What’s next, an Earthquake in Oklahoma?

At this very moment — 3 in the morning — one of Claudette’s rain bands is over us and it’s 74F. There’s a chill in the air, and the searching for a sweater is in full force. 

Next thing you know, this Floridian will be wearing snowsuits and shoveling the driveway.

In the meantime my sister, who lives in California, is experiencing a heat wave.

My half-asleep writers brain went into overdrive and I wondered, “What happened to Atlantis?”

There seem to be two schools of thought:  

1.  The city of Atlantis is in a north west African desert. Atlantis attacked Italy and Asia so their gods sent humongous tsunamis, earthquakes, and the great flood to kill everything on Earth 20,000 years ago.  Why? Because they were mad at Atlantis and didn’t care what else died.  The entire continent plunged into the ocean and the remains of it bobbed upward again, glomming itself to Mauritania/Senegal/Gambia.

2.  The entire continent of Atlantis/Lemuria existed between North America and Europe.  They              had space ships and stuff like that.  Great Britain, the Bahama’s, north west Africa, and any              island between the USA and Mauritania, Africa used to be part of that continent 9,000                        years ago.

Imagine you’re on a supersonic craft, destination India, to start a war.  India’s Vimana are on intercept:

There’s a horrendous battle with lasers and Atomic bombs.  The Athenians, sick of the Atlantian’s Cr@p, unveil their secret weapon, a simulated meteor strike from space.

If you think that’s SciFi, the US has a kinetic energy projectile.  Right now, it can only go through 7 walls of steel.  Imagine, if you will, the Athenians decide to try their newest version called “City Killer.”  It hasn’t been tested but…hey, what could go wrong?

You see where the outline of Africa was once nestled next to the USA and Canada?  It took Africa millions of years to run as far away from us as possible.  But poor Atlantis! 

In a matter of moments, the entire mid continent became a mass of molten Earth, and the trench underneath cracked opened. Most of Atlantis sank down a mile.   

The sea floor, like a balloon assaulted with a pin prick then patched with tire sealant and reinflated, popped upward, causing cities on the coast to disappear 50 feet into the ocean.  This, in turn created 40 days and 40 nights of floods, rain and more tsunami’s.

Meanwhile, Noah was tending his latest tourist attraction:  A zoo in space. People from all over the world were partying with the parrots on one side of the ship, while groups of school children screamed at the devastation of Earth.

After the dust settled and the rains cleared, they unloaded the predators, and animals not used for human consumption, into southern Africa and voted on the best place to start civilization over again. 

But where were they to begin a new civilization? They looked for plains with lots of farmland, good weather, and few predators.  Due to the number of farms growing everyone’s favorite food, apricots, they chose a site near Mt. Ararat.  

Given our abysmal lack of knowledge about the first 36,000 years of human history, this can’t be any worse than the theory that dinosaurs died from their collective farts.