Hindsight
We utter, “Why didn’t I see that coming?”
Puzzle pieces of our lives assemble without a guide,
…or do they?
Witness the anger stop
as if a page turned to the next chapter.
One puzzle piece with horns, one with a halo
fitting perfectly together must be a mistake,
…set it aside.
Nothing else fits that spot
so we ignore the unthinkable.
Missing are the friends and family shouting,
“You know how this puzzle is going to end…”
…turn a blind eye.
Stare at the golden sunsets, ignore the wars
waging inside our dying hearts.
That’s right that’s my life to a tee!
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I sometimes think that when we’re trying to see the future it should be called blindsight.
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Yes indeed 😊😊
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Lately I’ve been asking myself what I’ve done that was so awful to be going through this. It’s like I’m trying to re-track my life. And to think there was a time when I couldn’t wait for the future…now, I don’t really care anymore. I’ve lost all the people who’ve ever loved me unconditionally within less than 10 years….losing my oldest child at an age of 25 years old, when life is just beginning, that pretty much did me in.
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I keep wondering if there’s anything to “the stars aren’t aligned right” since it seems that this year has been horrid for many people.
One of my friends lost her son to drugs. Every year, she takes 3 days off to mourn on the anniversary of his death. Every year, it’s like losing him all over again.
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I think that’s good that she takes time off to grieve…like, truly feel it. I say that because, personally speaking, she probably grieves him everyday. I know I do with my loss and I’ve found that recently I’ve been trying to brush it aside. I use my webpage to let a lot out which probably makes me sound like all I do is dwell in my sorrow all day, everyday. I really don’t even though my pain is with me 24/7….when I’m happy, smiling, laughing, playing with my grands, out with my other girls….my heart still aches and misses my Jace. My therapist recommended scheduling’Grief Time’ which I thought would be impossible but, not realizing that I’ve been doing that in a way every night before I try to get sleep. I made a spot in my closet (it’s a walk-in closet, not like some weird nook that I squeeze into lol). Jace’s journals are there, some of his clothes, drawings, pictures and we had some ashes put aside for jewelry and I keep them in there. Sometimes I cry and will be an hour and some nights I just spend 5-10 minutes. Losing a child…ugh…there’s just no describing how sick and awful it really is.
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It helps to know that others experiences are similar. Losing a child is far worse than losing a spouse or parents.
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Very moving
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Thanks.
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