Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : How not to conduct an interview
Greetings to listeners one and all! My name is Earnest Critick, coming to you live from my world renowned show, BOOK REVIEWS EXTRAORDINAIRE. I’m here today with writer Joelle LeGendre. Tell me, Joelle, what makes your books interesting?
Joelle: Well, Earnie…I like them. Anybody who doesn’t like them must be daft or, more likely, unintelligent.
Earnest(straightens his $1000 tie): My name is Earnest.
Joelle: I have a dog named Earnest. Hey…is that tie silk? Earnest loves chewing silk.
Earnest (coughing lightly at the insult): I read your first three books. Have you no morals?
Joelle: Atto Run and Holding the Lines delve into the minds and lives of people who think they’re doing the right thing. Having a lot of money is not the same as having common sense. Take, for example, your choice of wardrobe. Who in their right mind mixes a plaid shirt with a pinstripe suit?
Earnest: This is what people with ethics and taste are wearing!
Joelle (looking down at her new jeans, and the Lands’ End polo shirt she bought on sale with an additional 40% off and free shipping): This is what people who don’t have more money than sense are wearing, Earnie. I’m a poor, struggling writer. How am I supposed to be comfortable when your ensemble costs more than the yearly salary I receive from my day job?
Earnest: I expected something…different…from a writer whom, I’m told, is on the best seller’s list.
Joelle: Hard not to be a best seller when your category is, SciFi sort of romance with a twisted sense of humor from a writer who can’t find a reliable editor. I’m the only book in that category.
Earnest: My assistant will hear from me about her faux pas.
Joelle: You mean…the woman standing behind you holding a big sign in red letters that says, “I quit, you pompous b@$tard?”
Earnest looks behind him to see a woman in jeans and t-shirt. Under the first sentence are the words, “Consider this my letter of resignation.”
Joelle: Your former assistant and I are going to lunch at a restaurant where we can hammer the hell out of boiled crab legs served in bowls.
Earnest: I am giving all your books one star!
Joelle: Your former assistant already gave them 5 stars with a glowing review. After all, you’re just the mouthpiece; she does all the writing.
As we walk toward the Crabs ‘n Critters restaurant, his former assistant says, “I’ve been wanting to do that for years!”
“You know how to make covers, upload interiors, edit, and market. You’ll make more money as an Indie Partner. Unfortunately, I can’t afford your rates.”