Senseless Weekend Sarcasm : Eng-lash

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I bought an office heater a few months ago, when they were on sale, and never opened it until today.  
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The picture is still on Amazon.  When I tried to access the link, a page appeared that said, “OOPS.”
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Here are the instructions word-for-word:
(BTW:  No periods were used in these instructions, only commas and exclamation points).
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Compact fashion!  Can be placed at will in desk, computer desk, ground to wait for a position
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Overall temperatures are rising rapidly Convection heating allows the indoor air to flow in three dimensions
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After the PTC heating body is electrified, the fan will blow out the heated air and use the air to generate convection to realize heating
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Use sanitary, environmental and flame retardant materials  Easy to use!
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1,  Do not allow any object to cover the air outlet and insert it into the machine.  Otherwise there will be danger and safety accidents
2.  Keep away from fire when using
3   Do not use this product in bathtub, shower head swimming pool, etc
4.  Do not touch the hot air vent during use to avoid burning
5.  Resetting heat protectors and fuses are installed in the collective heating body.  It is normal to stop heating due to overheating during use
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and lastly:
WARNING:  Cover heaters are prohibited to prevent overheating
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Frankly, I’m afraid to use the D@#$&d thing. How can I use something that isn’t suitable for shower head swimming pools?
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Category : Baddest Use of the English Language Award, humor
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