Senseless Tropical Storm Sarcasm
http://www.weather.com Track of Tropical Storm Eta.
Why most people don’t just up-and-leave the state when someone says, “There’s a hurricane coming toward Florida.”
NEWSMAKER: It’s a hurricane. It’s a tropical storm! No, it’s a tropical depression headed for Mexico. WAIT! It’s going toward Cuba! Nope. It’s looping backward, toward Mexico.
Florida transplants: “We dodged that bullet!”
ANYONE LIVING IN RURAL NORTH FLORIDA: “Hurricanes change their mind more than a hyperactive kid in a 50 flavors ice cream shop. Wait for it.”
NEWSMAKER: Now it’s a tropical storm headed for Cuba. It’s escaped Cuba? That was quick. Now…now it’s headed for South Florida!
Florida transplants: “I knew it! We’re doomed! Why did we listen to the people born in Florida?”
ANYONE LIVING IN RURAL NORTH FLORIDA: “If you live in South Florida and your house isn’t a foot off the ground, you’re an idiot. Ditto if you rented a first floor apartment.”
NEWSMAKER: Brace yourself for high winds, South Florida! No, the winds aren’t that bad, but the flooding!
Florida transplants: It’s going toward Mexico again. We’re safe now.
ANYONE LIVING IN RURAL NORTH FLORIDA: *Sigh*
NEWSMAKER: No, it’s stalled in the Gulf of Mexico and headed for Pensacola. What? It changed trajectory…again…and now it’s a Hurricane???? It’s headed for…we don’t really know yet.
ANYONE LIVING IN RURAL NORTH FLORIDA: It’s going to graze St. Petersburg.
Florida transplants: What the hell do Rednecks know?
ANYONE LIVING IN RURAL NORTH FLORIDA: We know how to close all our storm shutters within 10 minutes, we don’t mind 2 weeks of cookouts while we wait for the electric to come on, and many of us prefer to live without air conditioning.
NEWSMAKER: Now it’s moving toward Orlando. Oh no! A million people will be without air conditioning! The horror of it all…no, it’s going further north. We don’t care what the hell happens to *shudder* those people anyway.
ANYONE LIVING IN RURAL NORTH FLORIDA: Given this is 2020, it will probably be over Gainesville, Florida by Friday the 13th. Did you know that fewer hurricanes go through Gainesville than anyplace else in the state?
Florida transplants: “WHAT! My cousin lives there!
ANYONE BORN IN FLORIDA: Not surprised, but don’t worry; by the time it gets there it will be nothing more than a rainstorm with higher winds than usual.
HOT OFF THE FLORIDABORNE PRESS: This is a picture taken at 11:00 am on Thursday, November 12 — as Tropical Storm Eta passes by my house.
No raging winds, lightning, tornadoes, or black clouds swirling by. Just light rain and occasional wind.
Florida transplants: She’s wearing flip-flops with socks again!
Did I mention North Carolina has flash flooding from the tropical storm rainbands?
I thought y’all sent all of them transplant critters back’ some time ago. Obviously ya missed some. Unfortunately, those who did head back got up to Georgia, met some of our transplants, and settled. We call ’em HalfBacks!
Nice post.
L-RD Bless, Keep, Shine . . .
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LOL! The thought of people stopping in Georgia and never going back to their home state makes me think of Atlanta.
No matter where people come from –north, south, east, or west –people who live in an area don’t need transplants turning their state into the one the transplants were running away from.
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Once upon a time a fellow called the local radio talk show complaining that the town wouldn’t connect water to his new trailer, er mobile home. The talk show guy asked where he lived, and discovered that fellow bought 10 acres on an old ranch. The talk show guy was filled with southern hospitality, welcoming him to a new life in the country, then gave him the name of a well driller. Some weeks later a woman from the same ex-ranch property called to complain that there were no street lights. Makes a one want to move to Alaska!
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Those examples were too funny! The same people probably cut down all the trees, planted the ones from up north and after those trees died, they wondered why it was so hot in the summer and cold in the wither. 😀
When you’ve grown up in the south, you understand that trees provide insulation and will cut your electric bill. It’s possible to have a fan in a big window with good cross ventilation and be comfortable in July.
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If you want to transplant to Missouri, we have tornadoes. Most of the time if you’re not in their 500 yard wide path you could watch it go by. Sort of like on the TV show storm chasers.
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LOL! I lived in Wisconsin, and missed one of those mile-wide ones by 25 miles — but it took out the town of Barneveld. It lifted basements out of the ground, too. At least hurricanes give you more warning. 🙂
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My wife grew up in Wakishaw and went to UW at Madison. If you don’t want to put any of your info on here but want to tell me more you can email me on my email on my blog.
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I graduated from UW Madison. I lived in Minnesota for 2 years, too. This might sound strange, but I believe Minnesota is colder. 🙂
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Hello Joelle! Life and it’s frantic nature makes it hard to touch base with the people that have truly made an impact. I hope you are well; I see you are still writing! I should probably set aside the suspenseful “exordium” as this is obviously outside my wheelhouse. I hope that after all these years you are still dentate… but in the event that you are not or need some ‘parts’ replaced. If you can manage the ~300 mile drive south. I would be honored to help you at the very least in the same capacity as you have me.
-A very grateful dental student
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OMG! OMG! I am so very happy to hear from you!!!
This is what I’ve wanted to tell you for years: You are a hard act to follow. There is not a dentist ANYWHERE who comes close to you talents and abilities.
At this point, I’d have to mortgage my house to pay for the dental work I need.
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I just requested an invite. It’s okay if it’s declined (believe me, it is understandable). I’m on Facebook if you want to message me.
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I sent you an email. 🙂
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Yeah, still not selling Florida as an ideal holiday destination. Cheers,H
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This was absolutely brilliant. I laughed my ass off. When I heard Eta was coming I looked at my calendar. “Aren’t we PAST the hurricane season?” I asked. “It’s 2020,” was the answer I got. Fair enough. Schools got closed. Businesses were closing… We got a day and night of rain. Woohoo. I am grateful. Onto the next big thing.
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The intent was laughter, and I’m happy to hear that it made you laugh. 🙂
Wasn’t it the 2004-5 hurricane season when there were tropical storms showing up in January?
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I’m a recent transplant. My memory doesn’t go that far back. But thanks for the fair warning.
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