Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : When life is one big headache

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Ever notice how we seem to believe that everyone feels just like us?

Take headaches, for example.   In fact, you can have my headaches, I have about as much use for them as a cat has for vegetables.

I didn’t know there was anyone on Earth who didn’t have a headache.  Yes, those people do exist, and when they get headaches, watch out!

If you’ve never had a headache, you have a different perspective from the pros.   A stress headache, to a person who rarely has a pain outside the brain, can be as debilitating as a migraine to a person who has more names for headaches than Inuits have for snow. 

Here’s what I called headaches before I understood they actually had names.

  • My forehead hurts (eye strain from reading too much)
  • The right side of my head hurts and I can’t see out of my right eye (migraine)
  • I’m blind and I want to throw up (migraine and cluster headache together)
  • My head wants to explode (stress or in the sun too much.  Note: always wear a hat)
  • The top of my head is throbbing (tripped over my own feet and crashed into a wall)
  • My eyes hurt and my head feels like someone is sticking tiny pins into it (cluster headache)
  • I’m dizzy and can’t think (my head is too small for my brain)

Presently, I’m having one of those, “My head isn’t on right,” headaches.  That’s when the head wants to tilt to one side and the only thing that can cure it is a chiropractor.

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That kind is almost (and I repeat almost) as bad as the cluster/migraine.  

My better half always says, “It’s all in your head.  Cut of the head and the problem is gone.”

Does anyone have a machete handy?

Seriously — NOPE — I just can’t be serious about headaches.  That’s when the headache wins.

There is always generic Excedrin Migraine medication somewhere in this house, and ice packs in the freezer.  If that doesn’t work, I can always hit my head against the wall (it feels so good when I stop).

Are there ways to prevent headaches?

Yes.

  • Turn off the TV/phone/computer
  • Find a job where people in the office all get along and your workload isn’t the size of a mountain.
  • Don’t follow politics
  • Be in a coma 
  • Hire a maid to clean your house and cook all your meals.

There’s this thing called life,  so until I can find a sharp machete around and someone willing to get me out of their misery, I’m going to live it.

 

Category : health care, Rant
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