Senseless Sarcasm : Drivers

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During the time I was learning to drive in South Florida, the road in front of our house looked like this: 

 

We lived on an 8 lane highway.  Not that we wanted to be on a road packed with cars 24/7 driving 10 feet from the front door when I was 5 years old. But the path from the airport to the race track ran directly in front of our home and the only expressway in Florida was the turnpike toll road.  

The intersection 50 feel away from our home looked like this…

…if it had 3 extra lanes.

I tell you this for one reason:  If you lived on that road and survived to take the driver’s test, you deserve to get a license.

That was long before the world devolved to a point where someone thought this would make sense:

Fast forward to Tuesday, in this century, when I stopped by the grocery store after work to pick up a package of flour tortilla’s.

There was a parking space open near the front, between cars.  When I was 30 seconds away, a car next to the space pulled out — and stopped — as if he were the only person on the road.

So…I wound around him and found another space closer to the front.

Relieved that I wasn’t driving on the road at 50mph next to Mr. Spaced-out, I went into the store, made my purchase and wandered out the door.

When you see a parking lot like this…

…you understand that cars can only go one direction.

I had to search for it, but I found my car.  It was parked between this:

Daughter Number Three: Truck Truck Prius

I am, to be kind, paranoid when I’m backing my jeep out of a parking space — especially when I won’t be able to see anything until I’m 4 feet into the driving lane.

I started to back out and had to brake when some guy old enough to know better meandered past the Jeep as if he had no idea that my rear was sticking 3 feet out of the parking space.  

Finally, I could pull out, and what do I see coming toward me?  A double cab pickup truck going the wrong way down a one-way parking lot.

After squeaking by him with 5 inches on either side, he yelled something at me.

Yes — the obtuse guy in a truck that was far larger than his IQ, was shouting at me while going the wrong way.

Next time I’m in Walmart, I’ll look for the aisle where drivers licenses are sold.  I can pick up one for my cat…

…and one for my dog.

 

Category : humor
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