Night time is my enemy.

Sometimes, I can sleep and all is well,

but sometimes the whispers start.

Regrets, loss, sorry, grief and guilt.

How would life be now if my

husband and son had not died?

Was it my fault they had the accident?

Could I have prevented it?

What of my mother and father?

Was I there enough before they passed?

Did I make their life easier, or harder?

I fear it was harder at times, but I can’t change that now.

And my dear brother.

I am so sorry cancer won the battle.

I couldn’t do anything to stop it, and I hate that.

I see your faces when I try to sleep.

Sometimes, it makes me smile.

But sometimes, I swear they are glaring at me.

Blaming me for things I might have done,

or done differently while they were here.

I can’t explain or defend…