How to lose more readers

by

Some of us are not technically savvy.

Technically, anyone who reads another person’s blog is called a follower.

I prefer the word reader.   Did you know that if you exchange the first “r” with the “d” it spells dearer?   

If you take the first 3 letters off of fol-lower…

…Um…

 

I don’t like that word.

Follower is sooo…

Some of us don’t know when the think-tank is dry.

 

And so, dear reader, today I won’t be discussing how to gain more followers.

Here’s my advice regarding…

HOW TO LOSE MORE READERS

  1. Constantly remind readers that you’re a writer and your books are on sale at __________.  
  2. If you have a poetry blog, write about your bunions in excruciating detail — and how you named one of them Emily Dickinson.
  3. Write about politics and continually call the other side unrepeatable names.  This is especially effective if you have a self-help blog.
  4. Go to the WordPress tab that says “READER” once a month.  Make a game out of hitting the like button through 100 blogs per minute.  Forget the notification emails showing that you took 10 seconds of your time to “like” 10 posts that took a blogger an hour apiece to write.  
  5. Always add the link to your blog on every reply you make. This shows how terribly interested you are in what everyone else is writing. 
  6. Write a post once a month.  Be sure that one of the posts laments your lack of readers.  Add the words, “I bet I won’t even get one reblog.”
  7. Never use spellwreck spellcheck. 
  8. Don’t respond to replies on your post for at least two months and, when you do, say something terribly negative.  
  9. Most of us have a  job.  Sometimes we get sick.  Sometimes we get sick of blogging for a week or two or month.  Tell a blogger who has been struggling at work, or in the hospital with pneumonia for a month, to be consistent when posting.
  10. When participating in a writing challenge, put the following in the reply section of every blogger participating.  “Here’s a link to mine: _____________”
  11. Wanna play a game?  If you read all the way through this swill, please add “saw it” to your reply.  I’ll write a post about the percentage compared to those who simply pushed the like button.   

With a blog named Two on a Rant, there isn’t a lot I can’t blog about.

 

 

Category : humor
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