Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : To die(t) for?
I’m supposed to write something pithy and full of mirth that makes you go, “LOL!”
Hell! I’ve already lost 3 readers this week. I might as well go for the gold and lose 3 more (I can be petty like that).
Excuse my feeling-very-sorry-for-myself moment, while half the world is dying of worms and dysentery.
Yes, I’m being overly dramatic. I tend to get that way when suffering from something non-fatal that’s no worse than a hangnail.
Two days on Vanilla Ensure, Fage yogurt with honey, and potato soup. Think that’s bad? January to June 2019, I was on this diet most of the time and dropped to 100 pounds.
I’m giving you the two-day dare: Try having 1 Ensure, a cup of yogurt, and a can of potato soup broth for two days, then get back to me.
Did I mention I have to throw away the potatoes, or feed them to the dogs?
Consider yourself challenged.
What, you might ask, is my problem?
Here’s the long version:
Here’s the short version: “Chomp, chomp…OW!!! Retching-my-guts-out. I want chocolate! Chomp, chomp….OW!!!”
A week ago I was almost to 110 pounds. Yesterday, it was 109 pounds. If this keeps up for a week, I’ll be back down to 106. My body already looked like this…
…without the dignity of having a butt. It had adhered itself to my stomach.
If this keeps up for another month, I’ll look like this:
What I have is mild. It’s already Russian Roulette with food; I don’t want to know what “moderate” looks like.
You might be interested to know that I can have all the mints, spice drops and candy, without a lot of fat, that I want.
Unfortunately I have a one-track mind….CHOCOLATE!
No, it’s not cancer, heart disease, or a train wreck. But…but sometimes, a woman’s gotta bitch.
Yep, this is me on Gastroparesis
Except I’m not as strong, well built and interesting.
Next time someone says, “No matter how hard I try, I can’t gain weight,” don’t curse at them.
Remember: You’re the one eating the salad, cake with buttercream icing, barbecued ribs, and corn on the cob.
I’m the one ordering the baked potato and boiled shrimp.
Hi Joelle, on the serious part, I’ve never heard of it and it’s shocking to know such dieseases exist. But I’m inspired the way how you look at things funny 😂 LOL! It’s a good way to look and stay at the bright side and laugh at out problems 😂 I imagine the problems standing outside your door and thinks, why is she making jokes of us 😜 Enjoyed the memes.😊 And please take care✨Have a peaceful night Joelle ✨💐
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Yes, the problems try hard not to let us laugh, but it’s our laughter that keeps them at bay. 🙂
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It’s true!
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Hang in there! 🙂
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It helps to laugh at it. 🙂
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My heart goes out to you. I once lived on boiled rice, dry toast, chicken broth and Ensure. I had C Difficile. It took a while to diagnose, two hospital stays. Basically I had diarrhea for 4 months. And yes I used every shitty joke known to woman. Lost weight but not my sense of humour.
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That sounds dreadful! You must have had the severe form that’s hard to get rid of.
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I have known a couple people with gastroparesis. So I can only imagine how hard it is to try to joke about it.
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It reminds me of people’s reactions to COVID-19, and after the first month of being paranoid, my experience with gastroparesis is the reason I no longer fear the coronavirus.
At first, I did everything possible to avoid the “wrong” foods. I drank ensure, tried baby food, and stayed away from salad. Everything I ate had to have under a 5% fat content. It was like eating tasteless cardboard. No chocolate for years! Then, I said something like, “To hell with this! I’m not going to live in fear.” There are ups and downs, but I’m living now instead of simply existing.
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