Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Not amused

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If I had 50 children and all of them were girls, I never would’ve named one of them Rhoda.   

First grade, I’m carrying my assignment to the teacher:

Rhoda:  “Why is she hiding her paper?”

Teacher:  “She’s ashamed of her handwriting.”

Dyslexia was known by another name at the time.  It was called, “You’re lazy.”

I was not amused.

Of all the inventions during the past 50 years, I love my computer the most.  It’s not necessary to explain your handwriting when Tahoma 12 looks the same, no matter which computer you use.

Is it possible for people who have lousy handwriting to be lousy at folding laundry, too?

My laundry day looks like this:

In my defense, sheets are going to be on the bed next week anyway, so why bother?

Don't be sad laundry, no one's doing me either. | Quotes ...

And then there’s ironing …

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I’ve ironed in the past 30 years. It requires hand-eye coordination. 

If I miss when I’m throwing darts (at a picture of my 1st grade teacher), someone else gets the point.  I have a scar where the point of an iron burned my upper knee.   

That’s what happens when you’re sitting on a sofa and have the ironing board down to the level of your knees.

I was not amused.

We won’t talk about how many ways people who hate ironing try to rush through it.

This is the only kind of ironing I will ever do again

IRONING QUOTES image quotes at relatably.com

I do that through writing.

…and then there’s house work. 

Spiders eat flies, so spider webs are my friends.   

My floor is the same color as dirty sand for a reason.  What I can’t see, I don’t have to clean.

If dishes are in a dollar store plastic pail the size of my sink, they can be soaking for a week.  At least they’re somewhere safe.

I mop when the dog has an accident on the floor.  Eventually the entire floor gets cleaned.

When people want to come over, I say, “No.”

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I’d rather write a book than cook.

One week, I’ll make a pot of spaghetti, or beef stew, or blackeyed peas and rice with turkey ham, or anything else that doesn’t take a lot of time and effort. 

And that’s what I eat every night for the entire week.

Want me to make a Turkey dinner for Thanksgiving?

Publix does a great job.  All I have to do is heat it up the next day and bring it over to your house.

I’m not amused when people insist on a home-cooked meal at my house.  The answer is still, “No.”

Family, I don’t worry about.  They refuse to come anywhere near my humble home. 

I trained them well.

 

Category : humor, LIfe
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