Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Conversations with Insomnia

My brain has escaped into another dimension.  It does this far too often. 

I apologize in advance, as the opinions of my brain are not necessarily that of the body it inhabits.


Not sleeping.  Again.  Why does my mind have to go on tangents?

You have a brain.

My brain didn’t want to hear that we were once smarter than this, the world has killed itself off before, we’re ignoring the evidence, and if our ignorance doesn’t get us killed, there’s an asteroid headed our way!

Don’t worry, you’ll be dead long before it hits.

My granddaughter won’t!  Geez!  

All your world has to do is to work together and create a nuclear blast in space that will deflect the asteroid away from Earth.

Great idea!  Here’s another one:  Why don’t we herd 100 cats into an algebra class and teach them an equation? 

You’re saying that humans do not have the capacity to work together to save themselves so they have a chance to become an enlightened species?  


What would make people want to work together?

If people wanted peace, we’d be sitting around the TV set listening to meditation music and going, “Ohm….ohm….” all day.  We say we want peace, but news wouldn’t sell if all the talking heads said, “Today was a beautiful day.  Nothing happened.  Go back to meditating.”

Do you want to listen, or are you still on a tirade?

We have 8 billion people in the world.  That’s like having 8 billion elephants in the room running around eating all the vegetables and trampling the furniture.  We keep procreating as if half our oceans aren’t dead and insecticides haven’t killed off our soil.

The last few times this happened, people created soils that counteracted the poisons.

Fat lot of good that did!  They were either killed when all the ice sheets melted and raised the water level 400 feet, or an asteroid hit the Earth and the crust cracked open like a banana cream pie dropped from the kitchen table.  Is there anything in this universe that isn’t out to kill us?

I’m not.  Yes, there people intent upon world domination. They plan to take over the world after all the wars have decimated the Earth. 

You tell me this but then you say nothing but Earthers can intercede.

What are you going to do to stop it from happening?

I’m trying to imagine being a politician or a soldier.  I cry really well, and I’m a master at the art of whining, so the only possible outcome is that by doing yoga I’ll have the ability to bend down and kiss my @$$ goodbye when it’s time to die.  All I can do is write.  What am I supposed to write about, “Repent or die?”  That’s been tried before.  Can’t you give me a clear message instead of this nebulous S#!t?

I am a guide, nothing more.

So then…An avalanche is falling on me and you say, “Duck.”  That’s not my idea of guidance, it’s a death sentence.

Remember the professor from your behavioral science class? 

She was terrific.  I expected a course so dry it would make Mongolia look like a tropical paradise.  She had the best sense of humor!

Remember what she said about you greatest ability?

She said that once I understood a concept, I had the ability to help anyone else understand it.  She said it was a gift.  Why?

Go back to sleep.


One day, you’ll understand.


So… here I sit, in the dark, imagining Earth as a giant banana cream pie.  I’m beginning to hate bananas.  Did you know that if you take the letters and mix them up it spells  I, Man, barn peace?

I’m NEVER going to get back to sleep.