Obscure forms of exercise

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I remember exercise.  

It’s that thing you do if you can get to a gym.

Instead of sweating with 100 other people and fighting over treadmills, this is my exercise regime:

Keep the cat from stealing food off your plate.

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To do this, you must hold your plate in the air using one hand.  In one quick move, lower the plate, twist left and use your other hand to jab another bite with your fork.  Raise plate it in the air again before sticking the fork full of food into your mouth.

Dog bathing yoga

“Keep him in the tub” looks something like this:

Here is the “I’m GOING to wash your head if it’s the last thing I do” move

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When you have Tourette’s (mine is mild); This move is called “Concentrate on anything in this meeting to keep from doing eye tics and shoulder shrugs.”

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Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as well when there’s a glass conference table.

Summertime exercise

This move must be used prior to bathing a stinky dog.  It’s called, “Push the dog off the pillow so that you can change the pillowcase.”

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One day, I’ll get to the gym.  But until that day, I’ll have to continue doing exercises like, “Try not to trip over the dog when you’re late for work and rushing out the door.”

Speaking of work…

Now that the cat has eaten the remainder of my breakfast and the dog that just rolled in something is busily rubbing the mystery stench on my pillow, it’s time for me to head for the shower.

When you’re late for work, something’s gotta give.  The dog bathing yoga will have to wait until tonight.