Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Key Lime Pie Recipe

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I just made the BEST key lime pie.

  • 2 graham cracker crusts from Dollar General.
  • 3 cans of sweetened condensed milk.
  • 5 – 6 eggs (depending upon whether or not they are large or medium)  I used 5 and I think they were labeled medium-large.  They were only $1.25 a dozen.  At that price I didn’t care about the size and the distributor probably didn’t either.
  • 1 cup of key lime juice (fresh from the tree in the back yard)
  • 1 tablespoon of zest from the lime (aka, grate the rind from several limes as small as it will grate).

Throw the zest and eggs into a blender.  Open the cans of sweetened condensed milk in until blended, then throw in the juice.

Pour mixture into the pie shells as high as it will go without running over the sides and cook for 20 – 30 minutes  I suggest having the pie pans on a cookie sheet before putting them in the oven.

Refrigerate at least 4 hours.  Overnight is better.

Did I mention that I cook without following a recipe?   

There’s always some of the filling left over, so I throw in a few eggs, more lime juice and zest,  some coconut oil and a cup or so of sugar into the blender.  Then I  put the mixture into a mixing bowl and throw in some flour. 

When I say “throw in,” I mean just that.

You can ask my sister-in-law how the results taste. 

Generally, my cooking resembles this:

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The dogs and I will eat it anyway.  It’s amazing what salt, butter and Parmesan cheese can hide in large enough quantities.

My clothing (and my kitchen) generally resembles this when I’m cooking — although I’m thinner and have better hair.

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When I gave you the recipe for key lime pie, I didn’t remember to tell you this:  Attach the lid to the blender before turning it on.  Some people wouldn’t remember that and you’d find your cabinets covered with a substance resembling caulking infused with superglue.

It’s like the disclaimer on the hairdryer that says, “Do not use in the shower.”  You can’t assume people have the mental wherewithall to know this. 

My cat helps me cook.  It doubles the number of times I have to wash hands, pots, and pans for 2 reasons:


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This may be true:

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But this I can do without:

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Cat hair never goes well with Pizza.