Senseless Sunday Sarcasm: Customer service, with a side order of “I don’t know.”

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Today, after 6 months of deliberation, I finally updated my telephone/internet service.

FIrst time I tried getting through, the automatic annoying system said, “this call can’t be completed,” and hung up on me.

Then, I went to the website, which I almost gave up on when the first page took 10 minutes to load.

Then I was led to another page that — yes — loaded as if someone had poured superglue into the hard drive.  

So…I tried calling the phone number again.  This time, it went through, possibly due to the AI tiring of that particular game.

Customer service (heretofore known as Cuss):  How may I help you?

Me:  I want to upgrade my internet service.

Cuss:  You can double your speed for the same price. We’ll send the technician out.

Me:  I don’t want technicians trying to navigate my junkyard brambles.

Cuss:  He’ll be adding more pins to the hub, which isn’t on your property.

Me:  Will the internet be down when he’s doing it?

Cuss:  I don’t think so.

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Me:  Are there additional fees and taxes for this new service?

Cuss:  It’s the same price as your present service.

Me:  Last time someone told me that, my bill was $15 higher.  Can you tell me how much I’ll have to pay with added fees and taxes?

Cuss:  I won’t know until the bill comes out.  Do you have any other questions?

Me:  None that you can answer.


Instead of giving customer service the access needed to actually do their job, I have to wonder if “I don’t know” and “I can’t access that information” have been replaced by “I won’t know until the bill comes out.”

As the “Church Lady” used to say,

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Is it possible that the next time I have to access customer service I’ll be speaking to the AI?

If so, I already know the kind of service I’ll be getting:

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My cat would be proud.