Stolen from another cite I’m on. Airpits: The Plane Truth

Here’s some information about me that you never wanted to know:

Trying to escape from California

I’m one of those awesomely crazy people who believe that writing is a great deal more fun and a lot cheaper than psychotherapy.

I’ve worked in the field of developmental disabilities since 1993, where I feel accepted and appreciated. For the past 20 years, my spare time has been devoted to developing and writing a series of books forged from life experiences as well as my experience assisting people with developmental disabilities such as Intellectual disability, Autism, and Cerebral Palsy.

An avid SciFi fan, I read books and magazines using a digital recorder from RFB&D (Recordings for the Blind and Dyslexic), or use a text reader to read most articles that are on-line.  I look forward to the time I spend in front of the computer, my eyes closed to the harsh light of the screen as my fingers furiously type out new and different ways to make life as hard as possible for the characters in my stories.

I have a piece of paper on my wall that says I received a B.S. in Rehabilitation Psychology.  However, having been endowed with the attention span of a goldfish, I wonder if this was someone’s idea of a sick joke.

The following was written June 2015 for the Nudge Wink Report

A fate worse than dearth death is coming up…

…and so is my dinner at the thought of walking through airports again.

Over the sidewalk and through the ropes

to TSA’s house we go.  

The cops know the way to ruin our day,

they put on quite a show.

Fingers in places no one can see

and hands that grope my boobs

once in the plane, my baggage tucked,

I have to say…getting there sucked.

No ancient boob unturned in the fight against terror.

AND THAT’S THE PLANE TRUTH!

Yep.  It’s nearly time for a fate worse than death — going from the parking lot to the plane.  

On longer flights, I’ll get my Starbuck’s  Chai with honey and soy milk before boarding and sip on it – for 9 hours – to avoid having to use the airplane bathrooms.

I can stuff a carry-on full of crap so well, you’d think it was the inside of a Tardis.  

If the airlines weren’t  so blinded by the allure of making a buck, they’d understand we know the truth

Fortunately, I’ve only had this pilot once in my lifetime and lived to tell about it

We were over New York City when the plane went from upright to sideways in a matter of seconds.  The buildings looked like this from the air

Oddly, I was stoic about the fact that if I was about to die, I had the worst possible view ever.  Another name for this brand of stoicism is “Frozen in Fear.”

When you fly crunch class, doesn’t it seem that the flight attendants are a bit irritated at having to provide the drinks and peanuts to 300 people for a 1 hour flight?  

I can’t imagine why.  

The last time I took a plane, this was my flight attendant.

Really.  I’m serious.  I think he poked me with the end of his sword to force me off the plane and into 

ANXIETY CENTRAL

Otherwise known as yet another airpit airport.

I’d rather endure this

Than go through THIS:

You only have to go through a catastrophic plane crash once.

If you don’t hear from me next month, you know where I’ll be.

No….I probably won’t know where I’ll be.