I’m taking a break today, so my 2nd cousin’s eldest daughter on my father’s side is writing a post for me.
She lives in a rustic log cabin nestled in a forest at an undisclosed location.
I’ve never asked her how she gets internet that far into the mountains, but she agreed to write my blog for me today since I’m binge-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I love a woman who knows what’s at stake. Get it? Vampire? Stake.
You people have NO sense of humor.
My aluminum foil hat is tightly wrapped around my head, I’ve taken my colloidal silver and now I’m ready to tell you about this great article on the internet.
As we all know, everything you read on the internet is true.
There was a Coronal Mass Ejection (CME) 2/15/2011 that hit Earth two days later. It caused emotions to flare up all around the world in small villages no one has ever heard of before.
And then…then I read a meme on Facebook that said this year, 2019 — the year our world is destined to die from cow farts — there was increased Geomagnetic Activity on the Sun!!!
I don’t know what the hell that means, but it has to be bad.
They suggested protecting my head with tin foil, so I’m going all Full Metal Hatlet! But the only foil I have is aluminum from the dollar store, so I hope it’s dense enough to keep my brain safe.
Did you know that solar activity influences human consciousness?
Oh…NOOOOO…it can make you lose your balance, increase nervousness, cause anxiety…worry…the jitters…being dizzy, not wanting to do anything, exhausted, shaky, and everything from short term memory loss and irritability to nausea. Oh…did I mention pressure and headaches?
Oh…my…gosh!!! It affects the central nervous system!
Since those are all the symptoms I’ve ever experienced in my entire lifetime, I know the root of all my problems!
ALLERGIC TO THE SUN!!!
But, never fear. There’s a tweet for that. I can buy a human faraday cage for only $38,099!
It protects the metal in my body from coagulating in my brain and, thus, creating a brain fart called an infarction!
Thanks, social media, for keeping me safe from harm.
©Joelle (you can’t make this stuff up) Legendre