Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Num6er5

by

Admit it!

We’ve all done it!!

You go to sleep with 1058 readers and wake up to find you now have 1045 for no apparent reason.

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In the background, on your 60 inch entertainment center, a news commentator says, “The stock market just crashed!  This is the worst depression since 2008!”

But you don’t hear it.

Your gi-normous TV screen is showing people jumping from tall buildings to end it all, throwing bricks into store fronts, looting, screaming,

 

…and you’re staring at the screen yelling, “What happened to 13 of my followers!”

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Somewhere in Florida, it’s snowing in July, but you’re too busy checking out every social media site linked to your blog.

Finally!  You look at your Twitter feed and find that the robo-unfollow demon has been very busy eliminating anyone’s followers who aren’t active, so…

…you take 6 hours to scroll through all 5,000 people you’re following and yell out, “Die, sucker!!!” as you delete the 3 bastards that didn’t know they’d unfollowed you. 

Only 10 more to go!  

That’s when you notice a message saying,  “Facebotch will no longer allow you to connect automatically.”
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How long has it been since you visited a site so boring you fell asleep on your keyboard looking through it?
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YEARS!!!
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You look through ancient documents filed under “Archived” for a list of the passwords you used 10 years ago, and find it!  When was the last time you used “password1?”  Oh, yeah, when 79 year old Aunt Jane told you that was her password.  Did she have to write that to you in a public reply?
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You find there are exactly 10 followers and all of them are your immediate family.  
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When did Aunt Jane die?  That long ago?  Mom is complaining about her bursitis? Again?
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Relieved that you have accounted for all the missing followers, you finally look toward your entertainment center.
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“Oh, Gawd!” You scream out.  “Grandma?”
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“This just in!”  The newscaster says with a grin.  “A 70 year old grandmother is rioting in front of some stupid blogger’s home yelling, WHY DID YOU UNFRIEND ME ON FACEBOTCH?”
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Here’s a word of advice:  Forget your plummeting blog numbers and call your mother, your grandmother, and just to be safe, call your neighbor’s mother.
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Numbers rise and fall,

but Mother’s Day only comes once a year.

…and believe me when I  tell you this:  You DON’T want to piss off a mother!

Category : humor, Uncategorized
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