Health is a relative thing
Ever have to fill out those %$#*&% forms at the doctor’s office…the ones in 8 font that you need a microscope to read?
When you’re nearsighted, it looks a lot like this:
Some days, don’t you just want to tell them where to stuff their forms?
I went to the patient portal, typed my answers on a 32″ monitor, and thought I’d escaped having to fill out that-which-causes-migraines. But noooo…
Not only did I have to fill out 4 forms, but two of them were the same %$#*&% thing I’d filled out on their patient portal.
Instead of making a trillion copies of the same swill, why not do something novel — like print off the information from the patient portal and stop pissing off the patients!
I really, really wanted to give these answers:
Name: Yes, I do have a name, why do you ask?
Sex: Not recently.
Ethnicity: Human Race.
Has anyone in your family had: Diabetes, Heart condition, Cancer? If deceased, cause of death?
Mother: No. She died.
Father: Yes. He died.
Sibling: No. She’s still alive and is a pain in my ass. I think that’s why I have hemorrhoids.
Other: Yes. My 2nd husband had diabetes. I keep wondering how number 10 is going to die.
Trying to answer questions about your paternal great aunt’s nephew who died from “cancer of the everything” is like being back in school again.
How the hell should I know why some guy who worked in a shipyard and installed asbestos into the walls during World War II came down with every cancer known to man?
Time it took to fill out forms? 30 minutes — the same amount of time I spent in an examination room.
Time it took for the doctor to see me? 5 minutes.
Diagnosis:
Two days, yet more forms, and $200 later (the co-pay for a sonogram), every organ of my body was subjected to ultrasound. I’m waiting for a call telling me, “We couldn’t see a %$#*&% thing in there. We have to do a different test.”
I have my own diagnosis to offer: I’m hemorrhaging money, and I have no doubt I’ll be doing so until I’m bled dry.
If the forms don’t kill me first.
Yeah, I really do not understand why we have to fill out the same info repeatedly. It makes me lose confidence in their system. Will they forget half my medical chart somewhere too? One thing they are always on top of is billing. That, they don’t lose. And I hate the portal! Why do I have to change my pw every quarter? Is someone stalking my migraine med chart? They’re more paranoid than a bank. What is up?
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The portal is one of those government things. If you see your doctor taking a laptop into your examination room and typing his/her own notes, it’s because the special software makes it easier to get the billing through.
Or so I’ve been told.
I had a job where I had to access a state computer system. I’d never heard of a “key fob” before that time. In order to get into the system, you had to type in a password that changed each minute. Try doing that when you’re dyslexic and have a tendency to turn numbers around in your brain.
Talk about wanting to pull your hair out…
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Sorry about the forms and in this day and age we should be closer to paperless At the visits!
And omg –
Hubs # 10
And
The back in school test – thanks for the laugh but hope they find answers
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Actually, it’s only #5. I was exaggerating a bit for comic effect. 🙂
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Hahahah
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Is that a good hahahah or a bad hahahah? 😀
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A good hahaha
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I had to laugh but it’s so …. true. x😻💜🐾
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Thanks. 🙂
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This is great. I imagine that had you answered like you did here, some bored worker would have really enjoyed it. Sex: not lately. Ha! Fun post.
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Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it. 🙂
I find that laughing at the situation helps to get over it.
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On said forms I admitted that my paternal grandmother had died of cancer – possibly breast cancer. The questions began, til I got to the statistics : Well, she died in 1926, so I never knew her.
Medical staff : Oh. Well, never mind then.
But she is still my paternal grandmother. She still died of cancer. Just not recently. So it is either relevant or it isn’t.
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It does seem a bit contrary at times.
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Great post. Thanks.
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