Why I like my children as well as love them
I believe parental perception changes over time. It’s not an easy metamorphosis.
I’ll never forget the day my daughter refused to let me go out with her anymore, when she went bar-hopping with her friends. It was a gut-wrenching experience, but absolutely necessary.
Both my children spent years discovering their inner adult, while I tried to take a good hard look at my inner mother.
Between the time they turned 18 and the time they turned 40, we never doubted the love we had for each other, but we didn’t like each other very much. It’s not uncommon. Here’s an example of why this happens:
My first marriage ended when I was 21. Having no other place to go, I lived with my parents for 2 years. It was like being 16 again. I had to ask to borrow the car and was told no more than once.
The day I left home, I swore I would never make the mistake of living with my parents again. I loved them, but didn’t like them very much. Unfortunately, once my children left home they felt the same way about me.
When did I start liking my parents again?
My 2nd husband was dying and they drove their motor home from Florida to Wisconsin — in December — to help take care of their grandchildren while I was at the hospital. It was my home, and my rules: That was the day I started liking them again.

Kids, me, sister
My sister and I didn’t like each other until we were in our 30’s, but that’s another story. Just try to tell me about a family that doesn’t accumulate baggage on this journey called “life,” and I’ll show you someone with a bad case of amnesia.
Back to my kids, and our future.
I’ve heard/read/been told that part of the human experience is making mistakes. This is an essential part of the middle-age metamorphosis.
Between the ages of 20 – 40, your children point out the mistakes you made as a parent and how those mistakes colored their lives. Once your grandchildren reach the age of 12, your children will start liking you again.
The moment a child hears the words of the mother spewing from their mouths:
“You’re not better than everyone else… You don’t talk like that to your parents…where are your manners…You’re old enough to know better…”
It’s a gut-wrenching experience, but absolutely necessary.
I am so proud of both my children. They are caring parents who have done a far better job with their children than I did with them.
My son is getting a degree in music, a stunning performer who plays oboe, clarinet, saxophone, piano, and other instruments. He calls me every week. My daughter manages a cell phone store, a skilled saleswoman with a sense of humor. Her store was #3 in the entire country (an easy task in NYC, not so easy in OKC), and a woman wise beyond her years. I call her when I need advice, and if I ever needed a place to live, I’m sure her home would be open to me.
I like them, and I love them, too.
I hope they feel the same way about me when they have to clean out my house after I die.
That is so nice the way your relationships have bonded and laughing st the comic. Ha….
And I do believe some families have less to no drama (no amnesia – just the way it is) but of course it is normal for many to have that. Such is “life” and I am glad you like and love your kids.
I have a question for you. You always have the glasses on (well in the three pics I have ever seen of you) and was wondering if there was a reason
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Yes, I’m extremely light sensitive. When I’m at work, I adjust the blinds on my window and rarely turn on a light. When I need light, it’s halogen or incandescent 40 watt bulbs. I don’t wear my hat inside my house (aka “the cave”) but wear it everywhere else, but will make an exception for photos. At work, I stay out of the fluorescent lights as much as possible (gives me migraines). If I didn’t have an accommodating work place, I wouldn’t be able to work.
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wow – thanks for sharing – and recently a lot of folks we know (hubs included) have been using those “blue light Blocking” sunglasses.
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My problem is with the red end of the light spectrum, not blue. I had 2 days of extensive testing over 30 years ago, at a state-of-the-art university clinic. You might be surprised at how many people didn’t believe anyone could be light sensitive.
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Oh wow- and I actually have heard of eye sensitivities (like in Denver back in the 90s) but I think so many are cluelsss on a lot of health issues – and it must have been frustrating when many didn’t s believe you had the sensitive issue
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Your post gives me hope the my kids will start liking me too, eventually. 😃
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I doubt it’s just my family that experiences the changes as life goes on. 🙂
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I think we all go through these changes.
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Found myself lured into a false sense of reality there. Then,boom!it just got dark! I missed the having kids stage, and am not allowed to question my mums parenting. Yet, I do parenting of my parents if that counts? I lived with my older sister twice in my 20’s! never again!
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I work with people who have serious disabilities, and who need help with everyday activities. Their relationship to parents and siblings can be quite different. Most parents stop looking at their offspring as children, at some point, and appreciate them as adults. But for people with serious needs, parents tend to look at them as children all their lives.
Continue to question parenting that refuses to see its flaws.
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Very well told story. I have a 14 year old and a 5 year old, so I’m just starting with one and not looking for ward to the journey they 5 year old girl will bring. Parenting is the worst and the best.
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Teenage girls seem to be at their worst between 12 – 17. Teenage boys don’t seem to be as bad until they reach their late teens. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that boys are usually harder to toilet-train than girls. 🙂
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