Things no one wants to hear

by

Someone told me to stop complaining about my insomnia and count my blessings.  

Now I have one less friend. 

That’s what happens when you remind said friend that it was only a week ago he was complaining about his back.

People don’t like it when you call them insensitive hypocrites.

Unfortunately for them, when they say, “You’re an insensitive hypocrite, too,” I simply laugh and say, “At least I admit it.”

Anyone who says he’s not a hypocrite, and has never lied, is a lying hypocrite.

I wonder if Mark Twain and I would have gotten along well.

Dogs can be a great judge of character.

But just as humans can be fooled by insincere people, dogs can be fooled by food.

Hmmm….I can be fooled by food, too.

Maybe I was a dog in another life.

It’s just that the way I treat other people makes me think I must have been a cat in another life.

Cats have a very refreshing outlook on life

Perhaps I was a grammatically disabled lizard in another life instead.

No.  I doubt I was any of these entities.  More likely, I spent a thousand years in a Sequoia forest wishing that humans would stop trying to carve their initials into me.

It’s quite possible that I even have Buddha completely confused by now.

I wouldn’t know…I’m not a cat.

Category : humor
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