Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Ran

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Did the 5K thing (3 miles), and this was along the course.  And I ran — 20 feet from the finish line.

Hey!  I was number 230 in a field of 304 runner/walkers!

Anyone who knows me understands I’m lucky to be alive.

That’s because the people behind me who thought they were going to get ahead of me want to kill me.

That’s my story and I’m hoping you fall for it.

The worst part about the entire race was this:

I was happy I hadn’t eaten before looking down at the wads of toilet paper and bobbing brown things about 15 inches under the toilet seat.

Fast backwards to the day before:

We were given shirts to wear

100% polyester. 

In Florida.

If you don’t understand what that means, you’ve never been to Florida in June.

I tried the polyester variety yesterday, suspecting what was going to happen.  When you put on a shirt and you’re swimming in your own sweat 10 minutes later, it’s time for a change.

I had to wear the only 100% cotton shirt I could find; a tropical design with BRAZIL embossed on it.

But…over my jog bra and that rather colorful short-sleeved masterpiece, I wore a long-sleeved white cotton shirt I bought in Morocco a few million years ago from a dinosaur. 

Here’s one important truth:  People who live in hot deserts and have a brain don’t wear tank tops for a reason.

There are some problems that even 90+ sun block can’t solve.

Making a wager over how long before someone takes the tourist to a hospital burn unit.

I’m able to take the heat, and I hate air conditioning…but I still burn easily.  

Do you know how many times I’ve told people not to trust their regular protection in the Florida sun? 

Do you know how many times I’ve heard, “I sun bathe all the time!”

Followed by a trip to the emergency room for second degree burns an hour later.

If you’re wondering what my dogs thought of my new look, here’s a clue:

Youre wearing THAT?

But they wear fur on their bodies all the time.  What do they know?

There were a few dogs at the race, too.  Most ended up like this

I can only guarantee one thing if I walk in the 5K next year.  I won’t be in any better shape than I was this year.

I’d rather write than run.

 

 

 

Category : humor
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