Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Free Will

I’ll start out this senseless sarcasm with half a meme

Can you imagine the conversation that led to free will?

God:  If I told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times!  Don’t go near the cliff.  You’ll fall and die.

Humans:  We can climb down it.

God:  You think you know best?  All right.  Do whatever the hell you want!  I’ll try to talk sense into a planet with sentient life on it.

Humans:  You’d abandon us?

God:  You abandoned me first.   When you screw up and bad things happen, you know it’ll be for a reason.

Humans:   What’s the use of knowing there’s an almighty God if you’re not going to stay around to protect us?

God:  I will send messengers to guide you…and I will leave you with a humbling reminder of your mistake.

Humans:  (with a  smirk):  And what would that mistake be?

God:  Your dismal lack of common sense.

Humans:  You said you were leaving us with a gift.  Is it gold?  Silver?  A Corvette?

God (laughing hysterically):  No.  It’s a real cliff-hanger.

ZEN interrupted.

And so… God created cats  that we may learn a few important lessons.

Number 1:  Everything belongs to God, including your shoes. 

Number 2:  God will point out your vices and remind you of your purpose in this world. 

Pay attention to ME!

Number 3:  If you still don’t get it after dirty paws or sharpened claws have pointed it out on that computer screen you call “life,” and you continue on your errant path…

I can open windows…in my sleep…you never knew existed.

Number 4:  …God will simply go back to wherever it is that has the capacity to listen.

One does not know the meaning of hell until one has pissed off a cat.

No more raining for 40 days and 40 nights.  If there’s an asteroid coming and we’re too busy fighting each other to see it...

God (with a snicker):  Oh well…

Cat:   But if my human slaves are gone, who will feed me?

God:  All right already! I hear your purrs and I’ll answer them!  There’s this planet near Alpha Centauri that worships cats.  Pack your yarn balls and your favorite toys.  We’re outta here.

©Joelle LeGendre