Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Life, the Universe, and everything in a nutshell

For my son, who just turned 42 and now knows all the answers.  (just kidding…he has a great sense of humor. 🙂 )

Once upon a time, there was a thought. 

Though the thought wasn’t male or female, and because I hate writing “the thought thought” 3 million times, I’ll call the thought

Leslie.

…and Leslie thought, “I’m bored.”

So it created algae.

Great for cuddles, not so good for conversation.

So Leslie created entertainment; early fish with legs, teeth, and things it could eat.

After an eon or so…

No longer satisfied with miniscule life-and-death drama, Leslie wanted more savagery, bigger bodies, and bad @$$ teeth.

But, alas, giant predators created gargantuan poots and turned the atmosphere to methane.

Once critical mass was achieved, Leslie’s entertainment fell dead from their own dung.

So then Leslie thought, “What if I create a smaller body with an exceptional brain?”

A bit more careful with his creation this time, Leslie thought in increments.

But Leslie didn’t consider the consequences of evolving humans from rats.

While they fought over acres of land…

….Leslie stopped to think about creatures who evolved from a primitive form of sign language to ochre paintings and speech.  

The name Leslie is okay, but I mean…really?  There’s something about the sentence, 

“I am Leslie, fear me!” 

that just doesn’t strike terror in the hearts of creatures who can yell back at you.

The name “Dog” was taken, and Leslie liked dogs, but they were tame and obedient creatures under man’s rule.

Leslie wanted to convey just the opposite, loved anagrams and thought, “What if I called myself…GOD!”

Leslie came to Earth in the flesh in an attempt to set up the rules for this particular mind game…  

…which didn’t work out so well. 

It seemed that once leaders had a taste for power, they believed the rules didn’t apply to them.

Nations shuddered at the word of God,  unaware they were actually conquering continents for Leslie’s amusement.

and then nations tried conquering the world!

Leslie loved humans above all other creatures, they were so entertaining. They could find ways to blame others for their own mistakes and their minds were so devious, no prodding was needed to start yet another sitcom fit for a celestial being. 

They, after all, had created the greatest catalyst for Leslie’s entertainment: Politics.  Through politics they created more war.

And then, they created something worse than dinosaur farts!

Well…there’s entertainment, and then there’s insanity. 

His favorite of all species couldn’t seem to find moderation between female genital mutilation and dressing young girls in hooker clothing.  It was all or nothing, black or white…

….and they were trying to take this insanity into space?!!!?

So Leslie invented Science Fiction to scare the hell out of humans.

All that did was create a space race.

So now, humanity is on the brink.  Will Leslie destroy the universe and start over again, or will humanity grow a vagina?

What will it be folks?  Death by bomb farts or death by Leslie?

Personally, I’d rather avoid either.

©Joelle LeGendre