Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Dogmobile

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Since insomnia has decided to keep me company at 3 in the morning, I thought I’d share the misery by laughing at it so hard I’d forget why I was miserable.

For a few weeks now, I’ve been without a car. 

In fact, I’ve borrowed my SIL’s for the past few weeks.

Do you know how hard it is to find something when you don’t have the money for a gorgeous car? 

What was my price range (you might ask)?

Something built between 1988 and 1992 that still runs. 

Obviously, looks were optional.

Not that I wouldn’t want to have a nice car…

…or live in a nice home with an incredible garden, but I don’t have the money for a gorgeous home (or the maid that would have to go with it)…and my sister-in-law (the gardening expert) has her own place.

Speaking of my SIL, I have her to thank for my new car.

Well…new for me.

She found the listing for it on FB.  It blends well with my yard, and it’s the perfect dog limousine.  It probably looked like this when it was new, but I wouldn’t know.

Imagine a white car with a black drivers door.  It has rust on the front from 5 years ago when the engine blew and it had to be replaced by the 2nd owner.  It has a heater, it’s mechanically sound, and only needs a brake job.

What did you expect for $250? This?

Close, but the hood isn’t bent, just burnt.

What, you might ask, are the “perks” of owning a rolling junkyard?

  1.  Nobody is going to steal it.
  2. In a year, I qualify for an antique title.
  3. It has enough window space for 7 dogs, and who is going to steal it with 2 Pit Mutts, and a Rottie Mutt with the fangs of a  T-rex inside?
  4. Of course, most people would want the glass cleaned, but why do that?  Dirt is nature’s way of darkening our windows.
  5.  It’s easy to spot in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

Our (new) used car is temporarily replacing our other dogmobile that is having terminal transmission problems.

Another big selling point for the car I just bought is this: 

There’s not much left inside for 7 dogs to chew up.

My car isn’t the worst one on the road.  Here are a few I found after a 5 minute internet search on my 2010 computer.

My dogs would love to chase this one:

Here’s one that every polygamous family needs:

When you get tired of throwing money into car parts, why take it to a junkyard.  They’ll only resell what was sold you.  There ARE other alternatives

If this guy ever parks next to me, I’ll never find my car

And last but not least (funny) — the Swamp-cycle.  It’s sort of like giving your 2-year-old a racing tricycle.

Yes, there are so many other vehicles out there uglier than mine.

But I doubt there are few that run better, and that’s all I care about.

Anyway, who wants a gorgeous car that’s high maintenance and is only running on 3 cylinders?

You might as well buy this:

I doubt she’d make a very good antique.

It’s true that next year we can get an antique license. Unless the laws change, the only thing an antique tag means in Florida is that your car is over 30 years old.

Watch. By this time next year, Florida is going to change the law like it reads in most other states. In other states, if you get an antique license, you can only drive the vehicle a limited number of miles and in parades.

Does Wal-Mart have parades?

Category : Cars, humor
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