Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Grits and Zen

It’s 11:52 pm.  I’m supposed to be sleeping to the meditation music presently playing on YouTube.

Just in case you doubt my resolve to find a way to sleep that doesn’t require a hammer or a high-powered sleeping pill, listen to this for 5 minutes.  If you’re not snoring, then you have insomnia, too.

So then, what kept me up this time?

First, it was the dog that wouldn’t stay still. 


Then it was this:

Yep.  Cheese grits.  

My mind couldn’t stop assaulting me with the flavor of grits…Ummm….and so much cheese, deliciousness sparkles in your mouth….  

So here I sit, at midnight, listening to Zen music while I munch on cheese grits that I shouldn’t be eating.

Why am I not meditating in my baseball cap surrounded by dogs?

Oh.  You’re not interested in that…you want to know the answer to one important question:  How does a redneck meditate?

First, you need enough cheese grits in you to be able to do this:

The second secret to redneck meditation is being drunk enough to do this

but it takes a certain breed to do this well:

Then, after enough yoga, grits and liquor, you’re ready for this

If you don’t have a mind, it doesn’t matter; but if your mind is like mine and it won’t take Ohmmmm for an answer, this is what happens

My mind seems  desperate in its attempt to make me stay awake.  Who the hell thinks of this stuff?

My brain.  That’s who!

And there’s always one of these laying near my computer (or in front of the screen).

One day, I will sleep again.  I will fall onto the pillow and my mind won’t bounce away from snore-filled oblivion like a 6-year-old on a trampoline.

On that day, I will believe in unicorns. 

In fact, I will be riding a unicorn with a basketball player

If you believe that, have I got a car to sell YOU!

Okay…okay… I’m leaving!  But if you think that car is disgusting: