Rambling, ranting, raving and a laundry basket full of sarcasm
Yes. I know. It’s wordless Wednesday. But this fish ain’t gonna bite on that hook today.
I mean…really? What is it with my brain? Was it born on an asteroid?
Put a note pad by your bed, they said. When inspiration hits you, write it down, they said. Mine hits like a fork out of nowhere on a moonless night and I’m, literally, writing blind.
The result looks something like this:
Maybe God is trying to tell me that life is a mess?
That sounds a bit giphy to me.
So many incredibly creative ideas are lost to that one sentence all of us say to ourselves, “That’s so ingenious, I’ll remember it tomorrow.”
Tomorrow arrives and we’re desperately trying to remember where we parked our brain.
Fork you, brain! Yes, I said the F word.
Don’t look at me like that! It makes my Pinky hurt!
I had so many excellent examples of hypocrisy assault my brain all at once. Can I remember even one of them?
You have to ask?
It’s like blinking your eyes, hearing a herd of moose thundering through the tundra, and opening your eyes to witness a barren plain of trampled snow.
Okay…one of my brain gems just emerged from hibernation.
Or else I’ve written this before and it’s a false alarm (also known as Déjà vu).
Did you know that people used to wear the same suit all week? Did you know that we used to take our lunch to work with us, keep it in a drawer for several hours, and still eat it?
They knew how to say complete sentences back then, too.
Did you know that women used to get their hair done at the beauty salon once a week and didn’t wash their hair in between?
Did you know that at one time, people who lived in Florida didn’t have air conditioning?
Did you know our roads didn’t look like this 60 years ago?
To all the “save our environment” people, I have only one thing to say to you.
If you wait in traffic every day, have to take a 20 minute bathe every day, have to use air conditioning 24/7, do more than 2 loads of laundry a week, throw out a bag of garbage everyday, and absolutely MUST have that designer coffee in a fancy throw away cup every morning…
…you are doing more to harm the environment that a week’s worth of Concord flights…
Did you know that you can make deodorant out of vaseline and baking soda?
Excuse me while I tend to my compost pile.