Senseless Sunday #Sarcasm : Not firing on all thrusters

It was Wednesday and I’d done it a million times before — looked for a file in Windows Explorer.  But that morning, a day that will live in infamy, started out with the inability to eat anything.  As the day wore on, my fever increased until I was wearing 2 jackets over a sweater and a turtleneck shirt.  By mid-morning I was getting dizzy, and had to lay down to rest.  Twice.  By the afternoon, my skin felt as if it was wearing camel-hair cut with a needle trim and I couldn’t put one thought in front of the other.

What was I looking for in Window Explorer again?  

How do I get to the file?  It was like instant Alzheimer’s all rolled up into one giant frigging headache.

The result was something like this:

“Oy,Vey, Captain!  She’s not firing on all thrusters!!!”

Or maybe it was more like this?

I can’t remember much about Wednesday, but I think this guy was after me.

What do you call someone who can’t walk, can’t think, and falls on the bed half dead shortly after hobbling through the front door?

I wasn’t looking for anything but about 20 hours of sleep.

By 3:00 pm that afternoon, it was obvious I wasn’t coming into the office on Thursday unless a miracle happened… like maybe one day my prints will come.

No doubt, it will belong to a T-Rex.

No, I couldn’t come down with the creeping crud like a normal person.  

I have to come down with the comatose crap.

Try throwing a migraine in with a drunken binge and add in a sunburn with the instant Alzheimer’s…what was I saying?

That’s what I remember about 3 days of blur.  For all I know, I stripped in front of the queen and went running through her palace looking for brains to eat.

But that’s only my side of the story.  What about the people I work with?

Their sentiment probably looks something like this:

 Or this

No — that was me when I was trying to call in sick — in my delirium.  Too bad I didn’t have a phone at the time.

It’s more like this:

If the people at work get the “Comatose Crap” someone is bound to burn the place down or make such a terrible mistake that a fantastic not-for-profit might actually manage to go bankrupt!

Can you use manage and bankrupt in the same sentence?  It’s kinda like using the words genius and common sense in close proximity.

Personally…  I don’t think fish care that they’re dumb as a tree.

Maybe I could blame this ridiculous excuse for an illness on the time change?

Excuse me while I fall back into bed again.