Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Weather or not

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According to the forecast, the high in North Florida for today is supposed to be 79, and it’s not going to hit 90 for the next 10 days!!!!

It’s like being in Canada in July. 

Let me be clear:  The high for Calgary today is supposed to be 83.

Did the Earth tilt on it’s axis and nobody knew?

It’s more like late March or October than summer.

Yes, I know this is how most people see Florida

But only the tourists are like that during the summer.  We’re like that in the winter.  

When it’s below 70, this is how Florida sees me…

And

WHERE ARE THE HURRICANES?

We rely on hurricanes to keep the tourists away.  

I looked on a website to verify what I already knew. This hurricane season is lame.  “Colorado State University has increased its forecast to 15 named storms, eight hurricanes and three major hurricanes this season.”

What the hell does Colorado know about Hurricanes?  

By the time one gets there, it’s turned into a snow storm.

Perhaps they’re talking about the football team?

There’s plenty about forecasts — Hey!  It’s going to be a worse than average year according to everyone who wants to ignore the FACTS.

But I had to go to Wikipedia to find out how “bad” the season has proven to be.

That’s right.  We’ve had two tropical depressions and 3 tropical storms, NO HURRICANES, we’re half way through the hurricane season and we’re being warned that a worse-than-usual hurricane season is upon us?

Next, we’ll be told the Atlantic is going to form a tidal wave that will wipe out Miami.  

The only travesty that’s about to occur is in the minds, and the green screens, of weather forecast gossips

In case you need another reminder

Why can’t it be 95 again, so I can go walking without a jacket on?  Or rain for 40 days and 40 nights?

I love watching all those tourists from up north come down here in July.  It’s usually quite entertaining to see their dreams shattered.

Why would I want a respite from tourists in Florida?  

Here are the facts:

Florida relies on tourists.  There are airports for that, and Taxi’s can take you to Dizzy World.

Meanwhile, this is where I live.

Note the lack of cars, traffic, amusement parks, and other forms of chaos.  I’m comfortable having fans in the window when it’s 95F degrees.

There are lots of lakes.  They’re filled with this:

Those northerners unfortunate enough to move here will explain the facts to you

While the big-city folks think tourism is great, here’s what most people in North Florida think about Tourists

We have great ways to make fun of tourists in Florida.  This is how we frustrate the ones who are in a hurry to get to the theme parks.

You’ll see plenty of these on native’s cars

And we know that you think it’s a great game to take a shot of whiskey every time you see someone walk by a bar with outside seating wearing these

Reminder that in Florida, winter wear is flip-flops and socks.

If we get you drunk enough, you’re sick for days and won’t be driving on our roads.  But medical personnel and hotel staff will benefit from your misery.  

So before you come to Florida and end up like this

Learn a little something about this

…or better yet, come to Florida in October, when it’s SUPPOSED to be 79 degrees.

And more of these are expected…

That’s all the sarcasm I have left in me today.  Time to put on my socks and flip flops, a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt so I can go and play scrabble with one of my favorite people, my SIL in comfort.

We don’t worry about tourists asking for directions in the countryside.  

Florida…it’s the

If that’s not enough to scare people away, how about the Florida Spiders?

Any questions?

 

Category : humor
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