#DREAMS of dragons, psychopaths and toes

June 4, 2017 by floridaborne

After weeks of 1^st world bad luck, I think I’m finally over the worst of it.

No more “I’m slime” dreams where I can’t do anything right or I’m lost, never to find my way home again.

This dream was actually funny.

It didn’t start out so well, I have to admit. The compilation of every prince from every princess book made before the 196o’s, Prince Charming (ad nauseam), became the perfect-speaking man.

But this prince had more than a few twists. First of all, his wife had just left him.

I was busy being lost in a dream again — for the umpteenth time — and spotted him outside yet another apartment maze I was trying to get out of. Who would’ve thought that all I had to do was open a window on the 1^st floor and crawl out 2 feet?

We don’t want to get into dream logic. After all, I know that an open door to a hallway that showed an open window is about as likely as Pollyanna surviving to the age of 15 in the 21^st century.

But, Dreamworld has its own rules, and few of them make sense.

Back to Prince Smarmy. He was sitting on the ground wondering why women were such slime and, of course, I believed his fairy story.

He wanted to marry me on the spot! A prince wanted to marry…me? Sure, I had a superpower, but it served only to drive men away. No one in their right mind wanted it.

I said I’d think about his offer, got up to walk away, and some woman began waving her arms at me from an apartment window. Of course, I walked over to find out what she wanted.

“I’m his 40^th wife,” she said. “He’ll play mental games for a few years, and then beat the hell out of you when he’s ready for a divorce.”

Listening to advice is a new experience for me. But I’ve had more than my share of experience with the consequences of ignoring advice given by ex-wives. This time, I didn’t walk away (4 years later) – I ran.

Funny thing about dream world; you can run 5 feet and end up 1000 miles away. Apparently, the prince was smitten. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer and had announced to the entire kingdom, “Detain her on sight!”

You’d think I’d be afraid of the mind games and the beatings…but no! I was afraid he’d discover my superpower and reject me on our wedding night.

There are a few of the same rules in our world that apply to Dreamworld. If a handsome, charming, psychopath is after you, hide. That’s what pizza places are for, isn’t it? In Dreamworld, no one looks for you in a pizza kitchen.

The owner, who looked a lot like my real-world 2nd husband, recognized me immediately. He had a superpower, too: A magic dragon the size of a pony (with the personality of raw pizza dough) that flew him around the countryside, helping him save people from….well, whatever.

“I have a superpower, too,” I said. I took off the sock on my left foot. “Touch my toes.

When he did it, the 2^nd, 4^th, and pinky disappeared, making it look like I had 2 toes left. Most of the time, it runs men off.

But not this time.

“Cool!” he chuckled. “Wanna ride on my dragon?”

I’d like to say that we lived happily ever after, but all I can tell you is that we were together until I woke up 4 minutes later.

I awoke to Rottie Mutt snoring next to my head, while Fat White dog stretched out next to my back, and wondered if dogs have a secret superpower too; making humans happy.

Just don’t tell the cat I said that.