Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Why laundry day is going to take twice as long

ROTTIE MUTT:  I don’t feel so good.

FAT WHITE DOG:  I told you not to do it.

RM:  But she left the container next to the stove.

FWD:  She had to run to the phone!  Then you jumped up, used your front paws to steady you over the edge, and  guided it to the floor with your teeth.  It took you 2 tries.

RM:  But the vanilla butter-cream icing was soooo good.

FWD:  Mom cleaned out the fridge yesterday.  Didn’t you notice the fuzzy green stuff growing on the cupcake?

RM:  It tasted like icing.

FWD:  You’re so lucky!  Mom was talking with her son at the time.   When she got past the blockade she’d set up…

RM:  The one she made so I can’t knock over that black thing on her floor?

FWD:  Yes…so you can’t knock over her computer.  Point is, she doesn’t know who did it.  She found the lid and was looking for the container but you were already out the door and eating the contents.  She found the container outside this morning. 

RM:  I’m glad she’s busy folding laundry.

FWD:  Why?

RM:  (stands up, opens mouth).  BAAAARRRRRFFFFFF …. BAARRRFFF … spit-spit-spit…BARF.

FWD: Good job, Rottie.  You got it on her comforter, sheets, and I think there’s enough water in it to soak through 2 moving blankets.

RM:  I’m outta here!

FWD: (Running out the door with him)  I’m not going to take the blame for your lack of dog logic!

MOM:  WHO THREW UP PINEAPPLE, COCONUT MILK CUPCAKES AND MOLD ALL OVER MY BED?!

RM:  She didn’t say anything about the chunks of bone.

FWD:  That thing with no flavor I left near the garbage can?

MOM:  Dear God in heaven!  Bone chunks!  I’ll have to wash this out by hand!!!!  If I find you, bed barfer, you’ll be eating dry dog food for a month!

RM:  OH, NO!  A fate worse than death!  

FWD:  I think I’ll hide under a bush…for about 2 years.