Senseless Sunday Sarcasm : Bed Hogs

Fat White Dog (with a sigh):  Mom is standing over us.

Rottie Mutt:  So what?

FWD:  She wants her bed back.

RM:  Look cute and she’ll go away.

FWD:  She has the camera monster.  It’s about to hit us with the flash of pain.

RM:  Then close your eyes, moosh them into the pillow and shut up.  

FWD (foot on pillow):  “Grrrr…arf!”  (Mine! in dog language)

RM:  She’s laughing at you.

FWD:  Worse, she’s grabbing that stupid straw thing she uses to brush sand off the bed so she can sleep in it.

RM:  Oh no!!!!  Not the broom monster!

Human:  You two have to move.

FWD:  Grrrr..arf! arf!  (Not in this lifetime! in dog language)

Human:  Both of you!!!  OUT!

RM (whimpering):  Stupid dog! Now look what you did!  I won’t go!  I won’t! 

Human: (marching into the kitchen…rustling the dog biscuit container…opening the dog biscuit container…throwing dog biscuits on the floor with a clunk)

FWD (running out the door with Rottie Mutt): Treats!

Human (closes the bedroom door, sweeps the pillow and the sheets, cracks the door open, and nestles into the bed).

FWD:  Munch, munch, munch…

RM:  She tricked us…again!

FWD:  Use that battering ram you call a head and get us through the door.

RM:  She’s hogging the pillow!  Now what do we do?

FWD:  Same thing we do every night, take over the rest of the bed.