No! Please! NOT PUNS!!!
My friend, Betty, sent these to me in an email. I laughed so hard, I just had to share!
I’m sure you’ve seen one or more of these before, but there’s nothing like reading 25 in a row.
Puns for Educated Minds
- The fattest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.” Uh…okay… You don’t want to mess with law’n order.
- The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
- When the cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
- A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
- Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other asks, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive..’
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.