Reality memory

You’ve seen it before, the hero is barking orders in a crises:

“Mildred!  Go down the corridor, 2 doors left, safe combination 12, 39, 6, 28, 1, 7, 5.   Open it, find the 22 page document, and meet me at room 137 in 44 minutes.”

“Got it, Orville! “

If you’re like me, the FIRST thing you say after you’ve interrupted Orville’s attempt at directions is, “Stop right there.  I need to write that down.”

All I would’ve heard was “44 minutes” or something like this:

I have no idea what he said. 

Just in case the picture contained porn or foreign curse words, I did a google translation:  “I was once again my commitment to you does not listen.”

Sometimes, by sheer accident, I get it right.

Although there are people throughout history who say they have a photographic memory, there are several sources that say it’s not true.  However, it is true that most people cannot remember more than”2 doors left, 44 minutes.”  To which any sane woman would reply, “We’re about to die and you want sex? What the hell is wrong with you?”  

I’m not entirely obtuse.  I remember to feed the cats.  True, it’s after they’ve yowled at me for a while. (Don’t feel sorry for them, the cats have nothing to complain about.  6 words:  Perpetually full bowl of dry food).

But I digress.

I thought of a name for the inadequacy we feel every time the main characters follow impossible commands under stress and solve the world’s problems in an hour.

Delusional Inadequacy Mentality

(DIM for short)  

Yes, people with DIM have a problem differentiating between reality memory and an actor with a cue card.  It’s the mental version of Barbie Doll Syndrome where women think they’re supposed to have a chest the size of boulders held up by a toothpick waistline, hips the size of a doughnut, and long, slender piano legs.

So next time someone calls me a dimwit, I’ll thank them for noticing that I must be very witty not to be afflicted with DIM.

Please excuse me while I take care of an urgent matter: