Florida Freezing Friday #Humor #Rant

It’s presently noon on Friday and 53F degrees in Florida.  The low tonight will be around 36.  I spent an hour in that weather this morning and my feet are still freezing.

If one more northerner in shorts and a t-shirt laughs at me


when it’s 70 and I’m shivering, I’m going to do the unthinkable!  

I’ll go straight to amazon.com and buy this:

As a reminder, this is how I dress when the temperature falls to a crisp 60F:

Most of the country looks at Florida like this:


But that’s only in the winter.  Intelligent people will visit Florida in the summer if they want to move down here.  That’s when they discover what is, for them, the horrible truth:


It’s why we have “snow birds” who fly down here for the winter and back up north for the summer.  People who work hate seeing the flock as they land on the roadways and block traffic.  





You can tell who’s from up north.  They want a white Christmas so badly, they’ll do everything possible to get it (like substituting white sand for snow):


They laugh at us when they sit on the beach in January while we shiver in our down jackets, wool socks and flip-flops.  

But they get angry when we laugh at them in September because they look like this: 



And we look like this:

A couple of cool cats.

A couple of cool cats.

Then there are people who get upset when they park under a coconut tree and don’t understand one very important fact:

The number of cars damaged is much higher than the number of people killed by falling coconuts.  

The next time you see a native Floridian shivering in winter, and it’s 60F, remember that if you don’t laugh at us in the winter, we won’t laugh at you when summer comes around, you think you’ve died and gone to hell, and we’re not breaking a sweat.

…and if you’re nice to us, we’ll remind you not to park, sit, or stand under a coconut tree.  

In Florida, there’s a time for every season:  A time for 6 month summers,  a time for every porpoise under heaven, a time to be burned, a time to dye, a time to mow, a time to visit reefs, and a time for snow byrds the other 6 months.

My apologies to Ecclesiastics.