Diary of a Not Quite Dingo
Facebook sent a reminder that I had posted this 3 years ago. It is still just as true today. Thought I’d RE-POST & share the joy that is the Dingo Mutt newer readers.
6:30am SQUEALLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Yip, Yip, WhIsTlE, wHiStLe! The sun’s out! Time to get up. Why is my human covering her head with a pillow? Isn’t sunlight fun? Why is she so upset that I got her up at midnight, 3 and 5? I sleep all day. I was bored. I made my signature high pitched noise to honor her with it and…and she covered her ears? Doesn’t she know anything about dingoes? I’m so insulted.
7:00am My human still refuses to get up. I’ve tried EVERYTHING! I jumped on her stomach. She screamed and turned on her side. I stuck my nose in her butt. She turned to the other side. I know! I’ll lick her toes! She yelled at me? Again? Why is she being so mean?
9:30am My human is cooking 10 pounds of chicken. Fat dog and I have to watch the pot so the chicken doesn’t get away.
10:30 My human is using her fingers to hit the strange thing she calls a keyboard. It’s a daily ritual I’ve yet to understand. She isn’t paying attention to her cooking. Doesn’t she know the chicken is long dead? I tried whining, but she ignored me. I know! I’ll pick a fight with the fat white dog to get her attention! No…not that…not the worst punishment ever devised by humans: A spray bottle that used to contain OdoBan!!! I hate the smell of clean.
12:15 The chicken my human is having for lunch is being skinned. All us dogs sit so pretty waiting our turn for a knuckle, skin, or the black stuff in the thigh our human doesn’t like. When I was a pup, I tried to grab the goodies before the other dogs had a chance. I had to watch as they all got treats but me. It was the worst day of my life! But I learned if I lie in wait next my human as she cooks, and food will fall from the counter, too. That way, I get double treats.
2:00pm An adventure! It’s garbage day!!!! It’s so exciting to go room to room, squealing, jumping, anticipating the trip to the backyard where the garbage disappears into a big black can. I’ll leap on my human to show her how happy I am. Bulls eye! I broke the white piñata. Whoopie! I get the chicken bones, the fat dog can have the grease flavored paper towels. Oh no! Not the spray bottle again! And we were having so much fun.
5:00pm Why is my human taking a nap? It’s still light out. She NEVER takes naps. Is she dying? Her mouth is open. I’ll stick my tongue inside to see if she’s still breathing. That was a loud scream! Why is she running to the bathroom? Why is she washing her mouth out with that stinky mint liquid?
9:00pm Time to sleep on the big dog bed. I tried to sneak up on my human’s bed but the fat dog got there first. I would lay at her feet, but Errrr dog is there already. I feel so alone.
9:10pm My human is at the edge of the bed, pushed there by fat dogs long legs. She sighs, pulls off the covers and wanders to the bathroom. Oh goodie–bonding time! I put my head on her thigh, look up into her eyes and she smiles. I remember her exact words as she pets me, “Dingo blah blah blah good dog blah blah blah love blah blah blah.” She cradles my head in her hands, and adds, “Smart.” Maybe I’m not so alone after all.