4 letters

Love, hope, life, live, good.

Hurt, move, hard, hate, evil.

Damn those 4-letter words that plague me.

4-leaf clover

Wikipedia 4-leaf clover. Four is a 4-letter word.

It’s easy to spew out the curses. 

Internalizing the words that cure can be a whole lot harder.

Have you ever dreamt that you were standing in a place so filled with simple, joyous, beauty that you wished you could build a house and live there forever? 

That was my dream 2 days ago. 

At the edge of the lush meadow, where the soft grass grew, and past a narrow tree line, the sky seemed to span eternity.  A 20 foot cliff ended the land and ocean poured into the sky.   

There I was, standing at the precipice, enjoying peace and tranquillity, when a group of people entered the land and laughed about taking my life.  At the end of the dream, many people from surrounding areas came to my rescue.

It reminded me of Earth’s beauty as well as her dangers.

Tonight’s foray into dream world proved to be an emotional nightmare. 

I pranced around, in my early 20’s, as if I were the brightest star in the universe while one of my relatives was digging a trench in a memorial garden uncovering the cremated remains of people who had died in a 2010 earthquake.  (Forget the fact that the word “Florida” is rarely followed by the word “earthquakes.”  This is dream world, not reality).

I was proud to be alive, to talk about how it felt to dance among the living again.  At the end of the dream, I found the relative’s intent wasn’t a celebration but a nefarious attempt to dredge up the past and disrespect those who had lost their lives.

The feelings that emerged ranged from anger at the betrayal, all the way down to disappointment in myself  because I didn’t see it coming. 

Do I have any advice for people going through the same emotions?Possibly–when I figure out what I’m going through.

Insomnia sucks.   

Suck.  That’s another 4-letter word. 

Back to reality.

I just looked on my lap to find that I’m petting a cat.  He’s lying on his back purring up at me.

Purr.  Now there’s a 4-letter word I like.