Cottage For Sale – Part 1


“Why are you selling?”

The tinny voice came disembodied down miles of telephone line to my ear.

Do I tell them the truth and admit that I’ve been driven from the area by tiny rodents, or do I give the more conventional reason, that I’m 84 years old and don’t have the energy to look after the place any more?

To give myself another moment to think I say, “EH?” really loud into the phone, even though my hearing is better than most rock blasted teenagers these days.

I hear a whisper from the other end of the line, “Honey, I think the old fart’s deaf.”

“Great,” comes a second voice, female this time and sarcastic, “Maybe he won’t know the value and we can get it cheap.”

Ok. So maybe, at 84, I can be considered an old fart, and playing deaf has let me gather a lot of information over the years, but I draw the line at stupid. Of course, after they hear what I’m about to tell them they’ll probably think I’m crazy instead. Maybe I am, but I’m the one with the ‘lake front cottage one hour from town on three acres’ to sell. If they want to buy it they’ll just have to listen to my story.

“Hey Gramps,” the voice blasts out of the receiver so loud I almost fall off the easy chair I’m sitting in, “why are you selling the cottage?” spoken with slow, careful enunciation at about 8000 decibels. Kind of like Americans traveling in a foreign country. This is my final cue. I smile – not pleasant – and start my tale.

“Well,” I say, “I’m getting on in years and…”

Continued tomorrow….8:am EST.