Blinded By the Light

Writer’s Block:  You can’t run through the mind’s fertile flower field if you’re living in an emotional desert.

Well…duh!

And therein, my friends, resides the problem.  🙂

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boulderMy hands on the keyboard, I’ ve guzzled a banana and some water, the room is dark….God?  Are you there?

I never left.

Ever wake up thinking a bridge was going to fall on you?

No.

I’m alone and frightened…and you’re not talking.

You have another human, 4 dogs and 2 cats in the house with you.

Something’s not right.

You live on Earth, where life is determined by who can eat what first.  You’d be crazy to think there’s nothing wrong with that.    You’ve had stomach aches for days.  You get this way when you’re in pain.

I’m so tired, God.  There are people in the world who overcome incredible hardship.  I have one little tiny chronic stomach pain and I’m ready to pack it in and call it a life.

It’s more than that.  You’re worried about your loved ones, and you feel so strongly that your life isn’t going the direction it should.

 I feel like I’m walking through life with blinders on.

You’re typing in the dark with the monitor turned off.  You do have blinders on.

The words flow better that way.  I’m not fighting to see what’s around me.

You’re fighting on too many fronts.

I remember how it felt to know my mom was “around” even though she was in another state.  When she died, I wished I’d treated her better and then I remembered what it was like to live with her.   We don’t look at mother’s as human beings but more like a shelf full of movies we don’t like very much but if were bored the movies are always there when we need something to occupy a few hours.

You’re feeling old and thrown away.

Is it that obvious?

You want to run through a field of flowers with someone you love, explore different countries, feel exhilarated with life again.

The only person who treats me like I’m worth something is my daughter. She reads my blog.   I feel like everyone else I love threw me down a well and forgot I was there.  

No, you’re in the dark with your hand on the knob reluctant to open the door.  You don’t know where the path is going to take you after you go through it.  You’re afraid to take the first step.

This is worse than trying to walk through a crowded airport with no idea where I’m supposed to go.

Would you believe me if I told you it was going to be all right?

I’d believe you, but I can’t speak for my subconscious.

I’ll give you one piece of advice and then you’ll need to sleep on it.  Without rain there are no flowers.

That makes about as much sense as saying that without love there are no reindeer.

You can’t run through the minds fertile flower field if you’re living in an emotional desert.

All right, it’s 4am.  I’m going back to sleep…right after I move the dog out of my bed.