How I Feel about Snow (i.e. why I live in Florida).
Once again, Austin wrote some intriguing questions on his Jump Start Your Brain blog entry that I can’t answer in a reply. He lives in the South Arctic (otherwise known as Maine). As a person who prefers the scenery to the left as my wintering hole, you can imagine how I feel about snow. Here are the questions asked and my answers to
Why do people love Winter weather? They’re either certifiably insane or they were born on Mars. Another possibility could be that they have a lot of padding under the skin that people used to be able to call “fat.”.
What’s the appeal of a White Christmas? It looks great on a Kinkaid painting in your Miami winter residence.
Why do they light up with delight when they see the snow falling…yet again…to bury us under a blanket of white? They don’t have to shovel. If they do love shoveling snow, see the answer to the first question on this list (highlighted in brown).
Don’t they realize snowy conditions lead to dangerous driving? Aren’t they aware that more car accidents occur in wintry conditions than when the roads are clear of precipitation? They have a bad case of “it won’t happen to ME” syndrome until the bus that can’t make it up the hill plows backwards into them. After that, they won’t care.
Do these people understand that thousands of Mainers are still without power from the storm we had last weekend? The ones that don’t care use wood stoves anyway, have a year’s supply of food, and a firearm to discourage anyone who didn’t plan ahead from stealing what they have. Either that, or their plan was to steal from the neighbor who did plan ahead.
Do they love building their snowmen and taking their Winter Wonderland photos while people are shivering and without electricity or running water? What’s so great about white stuff that just gets dirty and melts away anyway? I live in Florida for many reasons. You just named 2 of them.
Are there people excited that another blizzard is scheduled to hit Maine tomorrow? Are they going to be doing their little happy dances and making snow angels while I’m getting up early to shovel up my driveway before work? Will they be building snow forts and sipping hot cocoa while linemen from the electric company are out trying to restore power in a blizzard? If they’re under 10 years old, yes. If they’re between 11 – 18, they’re going around to the neighbors to offer their snow removal services. If they’re over 18, actually have to work for a living, and are the ones who pay the bills, they’re probably in agreement with you. As for the rest? See the answer to the first question on the list (highlighted in brown).
Do these Winter Weather Groupies realize that we’re forced to walk in the street because we don’t trust the icy sidewalks? That one wrong step could mean broken bones and a day spent in the emergency room as the beautiful snow tinkles against the hospital windows? No. They’re too busy skiing down mountains or off ramps, ice skating, snowmobiling, ice fishing, sledding, and doing God knows what else that could kill them.
How can there possibly be more snow on the way? Mother nature isn’t through with you.
Don’t we get a chance to dig out from under the last storms? Can’t this snow be delivered someplace else? Would anyone mind if we re-routed this latest blizzard to Southern California? The ones that don’t have central heating, a fireplace or a duly licensed and certified weapon of mass construction (otherwise known as a shovel).
Where are we supposed to put all this snow? How come the snow lovers don’t clear all the snow from my driveway and bring it back to their place so they can roll around in it and do whatever weirdo stuff their snow soaked brains desire? A group of teenagers might relocate your snow for free if you ask them to dump if on the school principals front yard and provide them with a large quantity of ultra strong TP.
How could anyone possibly want more snow? Do they somehow derive superpowers from the white stuff? Again, I refer you to the first answer (highlighted in brown).
Do they eat it? Only if it isn’t yellow.
Are they White Christmas Supremacists who feel superior to the rest of us when the world around them is covered in snow? Down here in the south, those people are known as “northerners.” We encourage them to go back up north every chance we get.