Dingo Dog Guest Blog

Dr. Dog is on vacation.   He’s asked Dingo Mutt, FloridaBorne’s wild-child of the dog world, to be guest blogger.   Dr. Dog’s Advice Column on Human Behavior will be back when Dr. Dog feels like doing it.

Image

Dingo Mutt in the OutBack of his Florida home.

In my 4 years of life, I learned that the fastest way to train a human is to use my 5 step approach.

5 STEP HUMAN EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING

  1. Never pass up a chance to look pitiful.
  2. Timing is of the essence.
  3. Learn to use subterfuge well.
  4. Consistently look helpless when your human is around  (Determined by the number of “Awwwww’s” and the amount of petting you receive when doing it).
  5.  If you’re going to pick on the other family dog, make certain it’s not as bright as you are.

 Daisy face

Here is just one example of how this works: 

  • I take great pleasure in tormenting the Fat White Dog (step 5). 
  • I’ve learned to growl just like her (step 3). 
  • I wait until my human is turned the other direction and then time the growl so that my human thinks it’s the Fat White growling at me.  (Step 2). 
  • She turns around, says, “Fat White Dog!  Stop Growling!”  Whimper slightly, furrow your brow, and look at her likes she’s you’re universe.  (step 1).  

I gauge my success by the following scale:

5 STARS:   I’m sitting next to her eating a Milkbone, listening to a stream of melodious awwwww’s while being petted.

4  STARS:  I’m getting the awwww’s and petting sans the Milkbone.

3 STARS:  I receive an awwww and petted a few times.

2 STARS:  She silently pats my head and walks away.

1 STAR:    (This hasn’t happened yet).  She catches me in the act and says, “Dingol  Stop Growling!”

Guess what, dear readers, I get to sleep next to my human each and every night.  That is, when the Fat White Dog doesn’t hog the bed first.