Is this what it means to be
“well bread?”
This isn’t me–yet.

As I sit here drinking lukewarm tea and eating cheap pretzels at 5am, I ponder


as in…

Why do I feel like I just flushed $400 down the toilet?

There are better uses for $400:

  • Eating
  • Installing an efficient heating system into at least 1 room of the house.
  • Buying dentures

Why would I pay out $400 for dental taxidermy when I know deep in my heart that everything around the remains of that one tiny tooth will have to be pulled anyway in the next 5 years?


Me: In another 20 years.
But wearing dark glasses

If I live that long.

And what’s the use of keeping your smile line intact when half your face is “witches nose?”

I’ve heard of Caveat Emptor (buyer’s remorse), but…filler’s remorse?  Maybe it should be spelled Cavity Emptier.

As I sit here munching on the cheapest bag of pretzels I could find, it hits me:  This should have been an easy choice. 

There are many things that are NOT destined to happen in my future:

  • Winning a Miss Universe pageant
  • Giving birth to more children
  • Trolling for a husband (the one I have puts up with me just fine—which is my way of saying we’re the only 2 people in the universe who can stand to live with each other)

There are many things I am destined to become in the future:

  • Older
  • Constipated
  • Dead

So at the risk of becoming graphic about being mentally constipated, why try to save teeth that are going to cost $20,000 by the time I decide to get $300 worth of dentures?

I think I missed my calling.  With a lack of common sense that grave, I should have become a politician.