Why was the Witch of the West wicked?


Today’s inbox treat was a “Jump start your brain” entry by Austin (The Return of the Modern Philosopher).

Austin, I’m sorry–Open Office and WordPress don’t seem to want to print your blog address correctly.  People will have to highlight it to see it.  Or, then again, it just might be my lack of ability to do anything right on a computer.


If you check out his website you will see that I shamelessly stole his picture of the wicked witch. Why? Because I’m much too deep into gridlock to look for my own.

Given the flood of tiny, stupid and insignificant problems I’m facing that threaten to cave in the roof of my aura, I was happy to find something to take the edge off.

Austin has some questions about the most powerful Witch in Oz requiring answers the size of a blog entry. I asked similar questions when I was in elementary school, though I was not able to see the movie in color until I was 17 (when color televisions were cheap enough for my parents to afford one). At that time, the special effects were considered so off-the-charts amazing that the answer to my questions was, “Who cares?” That wasn’t good enough for me, either.

Austin wants answers and–of course–whether they’re right or wrong, I have some!

  • Why was she defeated by a bucket of water?
  • Why would water kill a Witch?

    For the same reason a virus could be uploaded into an alien computer a zillion years better than ours in the movie “Independence Day,” Perry Mason won every case, or illnesses more devastating than AIDS were cured in an hour in the Star Trek series: It’s fiction.

  • Did that mean that every time it rained in Oz, the Wicked Witch of the West had to hide inside her castle?

    Unfortunately, if you piss off all the good witches long enough they’ll put a spell on you you’re not expecting. It was the best kept secret in Oz. Remember children, only bad people don’t take baths. That’s how you can tell they’re rotten to the core–they stink.

  • How come the Good Witches or the other residents of Oz didn’t see to it that it rained perpetually to keep themselves safe from her?
  • Why didn’t they all carry water pistols, hoses, or buckets of water to keep her away?

Ask the scarecrow. He was the smartest one of the bunch. I hear his brother tried out for a part in Idiocracy but he was too dumb even for that movie. Then there are all those poppy fields, indicating that all of the residents were drugged. Most people don’t think of that possibility.

  • If she was such a powerful Witch, why didn’t she use Magic to protect her from water? Couldn’t she have come up with an anti-water spell, or used Magic to turn water to ice before it hit her?

Never underestimate the power of a 20-year-old actress dressed like a 10-year-old. With a face that green, no one wanted to get close enough to the wicked witch to throw water on her. She’s no different from the dictators over the eons who were shocked when their subjects revolted against them. That’s the price of an overactive ego.

  • Does this mean that she never bathed, took a shower, or went swimming?

Few people bathed, showered or swam in Europe in the middle ages. There are people in the harsh deserts of Mongolia who don’t know what a bath is. It’s not unheard of, just disgusting. Only bad people don’t bathe–maybe we should invade their country and force them to clean up their act?

Thanks again, Austin, for a fun foray into fiction land. I needed the break.